Back to Reality

Dear Friends and Family,

Let me start by saying thank you for your congratulations, your love, your meals, your kindness and your excitement at our homecoming! It has been quite a week and we are still reeling at the culture shock. The boys have done well for the most part, but I'm not gonna lie, it's been a tough week. The few things that have been the hardest are: 1) the boys are not sleeping, which means mom and dad are not sleeping. We've had successful naps 3 days, but the rest of the week it's been a no go. Additionally, they are waking up multiple times a night, and then are up...I mean wide-awake...at 3:30, 4:00 or 4:30am. The lack of sleep has made it hard on all of us, but we've been happy to have the help of Grammy and Grampy and Nana and Pops for our first week home. 2) Meeting so many new people! The boys are warming up nicely to our parents, but still won't stay with them or play with them for long periods of time alone yet (even if we're home, but just not in the room!). We still need to be present and active with them most of the time, which is tiring when we're already tired from not sleeping...I'm sure if you're a parent, you understand! We are excited for the time that we can actually have a couple minutes to ourselves ;) They've done well with meeting some of our friends, but we have seen some negative effects in behavior when they are over-stimulated with all the new. We've been trying to be VERY sensitive to this, but it's just hard to be on high-alert every minute. 3) The change from 2 parents to one. More on this later. 

Jordan has been good for the most part with little signs of distress or grief since we've been home. He has seemed to jump right in to this new life, and has loved having so many new things to explore. The toughest part has been the tantrums and defiance, mostly due to his lack of consistent sleep, which then makes him dragon Jordan! BUT Paul and I have stood our ground, and even if it means sitting at the table for 45 minutes until he eats, we've done it. It hasn't been fun or easy, but he's learning that we STILL mean business, even if the environment is different, and he's slowly accepting this :) 

Sebastian on the other hand has had a pretty hard time with all the change. Emotionally he is struggling, and it's clear he doesn't know how to express what he's feeling. We have seen aggression, defiance and tantrums come out that we never saw in Uganda, and it's been hard to navigate how best to help him. We've tried hard to get him to express in words what's going on, but it takes a lot of coaxing and patience. He has started to be able to say small phrases, but it's clear he is struggling with certain things, and it's hard as a parent to not know exactly what's going through his little heart. I know Paul going back to work has played a part in his change in behavior, but there are a lot of other things that seem to trigger him for no reason, so I've worked hard to give him extra love and extra attention to help show him we care. Again, I think once he starts sleeping better things won't be so extreme, but as of right now, I'm taking it a day at a time. He has, however, embraced his name well and now calls himself Sebastian 100% of the time :) 

The boys have had so many firsts since we embarked from the airport to home, which has been fun to see! Meeting their grandparents, riding in carseats (PRAISE JESUS!), seeing Paul and I drive, watching a show on TV, having their own beds, taking a warm bath, going up/down stairs everyday, wearing socks, wearing jackets, seeing a fireplace, eating new food, playing on a playground, seeing a large fridge/freezer, watching the garage truck outside, riding on an elevator, riding on an escalator, going to a farm, and probably more that I can't remember. They are SO excited at the littlest things, and it's so sweet to see their innocence with things we could care less about. The times they are a changin'!

Paul and I are feeling a bit beat up and bruised, but it's been nice to have the comforts of our home. We really do feel like we've been through a war, and coming home has been a bit more traumatic than we anticipated. Paul going back to work has been pretty tough on me, as I've been used to parenting with him, but I've been working hard to adjust my expectations and AGAIN give myself some grace. The boys are definitely pushing my limits with this new change, but I've been firm and consistent, and they are realizing I'm still the boss. The toughest part has been the emotional processing of all we went through and now trying to get back to our previous life. Everything feels different. Everything feels harder. Nothing feels normal. BUT our life is more enriched by these sweet lives, and every day I see them smile I'm reminded why we did what we did. I'm not gonna lie, I'm feeling alone and exhausted and sad much of the time, but a lot of it is similar to what the boys are going through...so much new, so much different, and no sleep! Additionally, I've been sick this week which has made all of this infinitely harder. I'm really not complaining or trying to make this all sound terrible, I'm just trying to keep it real. Adoption is so hard. This transition has been so hard...harder than I thought...and I still find myself crying often at so many things that I'm still trying to work through. Paul and I are trusting God to continue to work in us and our boys, and even though all of this continues to feel raw and difficult, we KNOW that God is working, and we will rest in that.

We have been blessed by local friends bringing meals, which has been a HUGE help. Making dinner has been the last thing on my list, and it has been wonderful to not have to worry about that in addition to all the rest. We have been hibernating for most of the week, and have only ventured out to the playground a couple times. Thankfully, no one has been there so the boys and I have been able to play without reservation. They've enjoyed this addition to their routine, but are still trying to get used to the cold weather! :) We are not ready for Thanksgiving this week, as it doesn't feel like the holidays yet, but we have SO much to be thankful for this year, and we are excited to spend some time with Paul's family and let them meet the boys! We still have such a long way to go, and so much to work through, but we're trying to take it one hour at a time, and let people help as much as the boys will allow! We continue to need your prayers and support, and we hope you will continue to follow our journey as we get our boys acclimated to being Stevens!

Here are some pics from our trip home and first week!

Airport/Airplane

HOME!

with Grampy

with Nana

Playground!

Jordan reading with Grammy

Trains with Grammy

SO happy daddy is home from work!

Jordan reading with Grampy

My sidekicks in the backseat!

Watching TV for the first time

Sebastian snuggling with daddy

Reading with daddy

Playing the guitar!

As we've been home this week, here is a list of 10 things we miss and don't miss about Uganda:

What we miss:
1) The people
2) The landscape
3) The weather (but not the rain!)
4) Chapati
5) Cheap coffees
6) Alba's food and gelato
7) Being able to walk almost anywhere 
8) Hopping on a boda to get anywhere in 5 minutes or less
9) The simplicity of everyday life
10) Being a complete family all day, every day

What we don't miss:
1) Cold showers
2) Sleeping in the same room as our boys
3) Whispering from 8pm until we go to bed :)
4) Carrying our boys everywhere
5) The smell of burning plastic/trash
6) Bugs, cockroaches, rats, ants (in my toothbrush! yuck!)
7) Constantly feeling dirty 
8) The slllooooowwwww internet
9) Sleeping under a mosquito net
10) Never knowing if the power (most importantly our fan!) is going to be on

Thank you all for your continued love and support. We are so blessed by each of you, and we can't wait to share all these new firsts in our boys's lives!

We love you!

There's no place like home :)

Friends and Family,

We can't even begin to tell you how amazing it is to be home. We are settling in little by little, but are still feeling the exhaustion of the last 12 weeks. We are trying to remain consistent with discipline and routine, but it's been hard with the time change and all the excitement of so much newness!! Overall though, things have been better than we anticipated and we couldn't feel more blessed to have these two little lives finally in our home!

Here is some info on our trip home as well as a few updates on our boys!

1) The trip home was difficult at best. The run-down is as follows:

• 3 hour drive to Kampala
• 4 hour wait in Kampala to which we had a goodbye lunch with our Ugandan friend Clare and we let the boys run around and play a bit before we were going to force them to constrained to a seat!
• 2 hour drive to Entebbe
• 1 hour wait outside the airport until we could check in: the boys were delirious at this point!
• Checked in and through immigration! Thankfully the immigration officer was kind and we had no issues getting the boys through! Thank you Jesus!
• 3 hour wait in the airport until we could board
• 8 hour flight to Amsterdam: the boys were both asleep before we took off. Sebastian slept most of the flight. Jordan was up almost every 15 minutes. I would then pick him up, rock him back to sleep, and then repeat about 100 more times :) I shed my fair share of silent tears on the flight home due to fatigue, but I tried to keep my head in check, as this was truly the home stretch!
• 7 hour layover in Amsterdam. This was torture. We were all exhausted. There is no good place for kids to play or run around and there were a million people everywhere! The boys were definitely getting grumpy at this point, and it took a lot of patience from Paul and I to keep them calm. 
• 8 hour flight to Dulles: the boys slept on and off for the first 2 hours, but were then up for the rest of the flight. We didn't have any huge meltdowns or tantrums, but the boys were antsy and stubborn most of the time. Even with a large sampling of kids movies and shows on the flight, they were only interested in watching something for about 30 minutes. We couldn't believe it! We thought for SURE they would LOVE to have so much interrupted time to watch TV, but no...they were totally disinterested. We thought this would be clutch, but Paul and I could've cried when we realized this was going to be a no go. Once we saw we still had 5 hours of flight time left, we finally gave in and just gave them our phones and iPad to play with. This kept them content for a couple hours, but it was still constant attention for most of the flight. We were spent.
• We landed in Dulles at 3:45 on Friday afternoon, went through immigration, got our bags, went through customs, and finally saw our family! It was such an awesome moment for the boys to meet their grandparents and surprisingly, they both did really well! Sebastian was so excited, but Jordan definitely had some reservations, which was exacerbated by the fatigue. Plus, little guy was pretty sick during our whole trip home, which made all of this much worse. Regardless, we were FINALLY home and it felt so good. Here's a sneak peak and a few of our homecoming pics! 

• We spent a little time in the airport for everyone to acclimate then loaded up in a van and got the boys strapped into their CAR SEATS! Can I get an amen?! We ate dinner on the ride home, and the boys were asleep instantly after they finished eating :) They slept almost the whole ride home, which I think we could've done as well!
• When we got home, we carried them in, took them to the bathroom, changed their clothes, laid them in their beds, and they were asleep before we finished praying for them. It was SO surreal for Paul and I and we stood there full of awe, joy and exhaustion as we looked at them sleeping in their room. The room we worked so hard on and spent so many weekends creating. The room we used to look into when it was empty, and couldn't wait for the day for the beds to be full. They were finally home.
• We chatted with our parents for a bit after the boys went to bed, and then we relished in all things comfortable. We sat on a couch! For the last 3 months we've only been sitting in plastic lawn chairs, so this was amazing. I took a long, hot shower! The first one in 3 months, and the first one where I didn't have to hold the shower head the entire time only to have cold water come out! And finally we climbed into our bed, which literally felt like sleeping on a cloud. Pure heaven.
• The boys slept well that night and were up at 6:30am. We let them explore their room for a bit before heading downstairs to the living room. They were excited at so many little things, and it was fun to see what made them giggle! In the morning, both sets of grandparents came over, and we spent all day inside, playing, exploring, and letting the grandparents take them in :) The boys got more and more comfortable as the day went on, and it was great to see them go to our parents to play. Their nap felt like night to them, and we had to pick them up and get them into daylight to wake them...and even then they just wanted to go back to sleep. The afternoon was pretty chill, and I don't think Jordan ever really woke up. After dinner we gave them a bath and then put them to bed. They went down easy, and we were SO thankful, but unfortunately it was to our detriment. At 2:45am, Sebastian got out of bed to go to the bathroom, and at 3:05am they were both in our room wide-eyed and bushy-tailed! We scooped them up and put them back in bed, and they never went back to sleep. There were many other details surrounding the morning, but needless to say we were all up at 3:05, and we have been draaaaaaggggginnng all day long. 
• It's been SO nice to have some help with the boys and with things around the house, and Paul and I have been so grateful to not be doing everything ourselves all day, every day. We don't know how long the transition will take or how long we will feel like zombies, but I imagine this is much what it feels like to have a newborn, except they're not walking and talking yet :)
• To say the least it feels amazing to be parenting in our own home and with our own rules. There were so many stipulations on what we could and couldn't do in the Ugandan culture, and we often felt like our hands were tied in so many different areas. With that said, it is bittersweet to have just a drastic change to our family routine, and we have been trying to keep up conversations with the boys about Uganda and our time there. It's clear they have happy memories of our guest house and it's been good to keep those up :)

2) We are changing Lawrence's name to Sebastian (which was my maiden name!). There was a lot of thought and prayer that went into this, but every time we go back to Sebastian for his name, so we will be legally changing it once we apply for their citizenship :) He has embraced it well and will now refer to himself as Sebastian. Jordan still needs some prompting, but is also calling him Sebastian more regularly. So with that said, if you see us, try to call him Sebastian! We still slip and call him Lawrence occasionally, but he is definitely our little Sebastian :)

3) Jordan is a happy, lovey, tender boy, but after seeing certain traits now that he's gotten more adjusted to us, we believe he may have a sensory processing disorder or even low-level autism. We are NOT claiming this for him and we are not ruling out God's intervention, but at this point I want to give you all a heads up, as he definitely has triggers that come and go based on the day. Initially we thought most of it was just habits from the orphanage, but it's clear that there is more going on in many areas. This is obviously complicated as we don't know much of his past medical history or much of his family's background, and since Ugandan standards are SO different than ours, it's hard to get any concrete details. Even though he's 4, he is really at the emotional and developmental stage of a 2 year old, and we are trying to parent him at that age. It's been VERY difficult on us, and there are many other details surrounding all of this, but we at least wanted to give you all some understanding for when you meet him :) We in NO WAY want this to change your perception or view of him, because he's AWESOME!!! but we want you to know that if he acts a certain way or does something, it's not because of you! He just needs some time to adjust to new things and new people, and I know once we're more settled in at home, he will only get better. We plan to get a full developmental assessment done on him before the end of the year, and we're hoping that will shed some light on how best to help him. 

4) It is with great pleasure that we can finally post pictures of their faces! So without further adieu, here is the full Stevens Party of Four!

Jordan Paul Stevens
Age 4, Birthday: July 12, 2011

Sebastian Kadaga Stevens
Age 3, Birthday: December 5, 2011

In the next few weeks we will have our first social work visit, we will need to follow-up on their green cards, apply for their social security cards, take them for medicals visits, begin vaccinations and so much more. Much of this is required within the first 30 days of arrival, so we know we will be busy bees! Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we move forward, as there is still a long way to go. Even though we are home, there is still so much hurt to work through and a lot of bonding to do. So while the biggest hurdle is out of the way, we are believing that God will continue to heal our boys, and give Paul and I wisdom every step of the way.

We again can't thank you all enough for your kindness, love, support, prayers and encouragement. Every day is a new adventure, and now that we're home we know it will only continue from here! We can't wait to share more pictures and videos with you in the coming weeks, and we hope you will all continue to follow-along on our journey.

Love,

WE ARE COMING HOME!!!!!!!!

Our dear friends and family,

It is with the most grateful of hearts that I am able to say WE ARE COMING HOME!!!!! There is NO other way we could be coming home this week without the favor of God, and we can't even express how thankful we are. We have felt like we've been at war, and even when things fell into place and we got all the paperwork needed, we still felt mostly numb to it all. We are excited on the inside, but will be rejoicing when our butts are actually on that plane! 

The story of how it all shook out is not really believable, and we are still reeling at the chain of events over the last 4 days. So just to give you some idea, here's a (not so) brief synopsis...

- We found out late Friday night that the passports had been printed. We were skeptical, especially since they didn't say they are “ready”, and to be honest, we didn’t think we would have them until early this week.

- On Saturday, Paul goes to the orphanage and our director HAS THE PASSPORTS in his hand! WHAT?! So Paul and I compose ourselves, and that evening write an e-mail to the Embassy letting them know we have everything we need for the interview. 

- On Monday morning, I am checking my e-mail like a maniac, as I was hoping the Embassy would e-mail to let us know of our appointment date. We were assuming we would get an interview for Wednesday or Thursday this week, which wouldn't allow us to pick up our visas until the following week. Regardless, I was super anxious, and kept refreshing my internet (which is about as fast as a slug in super glue), waiting to hear back. Well at 8:35 I get an e-mail from the Embassy saying that they could squeeze us in THAT DAY at 1:00. Excuse me? Did that say today at 1:00 TODAY?! 

- So in pure panic mode, I tell Paul who immediately calls our orphanage director. Of course his phone is OFF, and about 30 calls later, he finally answers his phone at 9:20. AHHH! So we tell him the situation and ask if he can get the family together. He basically tells us that it's not going to happen, but if we want to "risk it", he will make the calls. So we say YES, GO, CALL, MAKE IT HAPPEN. After that, Paul and I pretty much resolved that we weren't going, so we finished breakfast, got the boys ready, got ourselves mostly ready, and then were just playing in the apartment with the boys. We would typically leave Jinja at 10:00 (at the latest) to get to Kampala by 1:00, and by this time it was already 9:58. THEN all of a sudden the phone rings...it's our director saying it's a go! So I jump up, put on a dress, back my bags, kiss all 3 of my boys, and take a boda to the orphanage (Paul and the boys didn't need to go). 

- I arrive at 10:15am, and the social worker, Hope, (who helps coordinate the family) tells me that J's relative (let's call him A - who lives very close) is on his way, and we would pick up L's relatives on our way. So 5 minutes go by, A is still not there. Hope calls him again, and he admits he lied and hasn't left his house. Deep breath. So she tells him to get on a boda and come here ASAP, and he says he's getting on one now and will be there. So another 5 minutes goes by, A is still not there. Hope calls him again...he has still not left his house. She then tells him to take a boda to a meeting point just outside of town toward Kampala and we would meet him there. So me and Hope get in the car with our driver, and get to the meeting point in record time. We park the car and wait another 5 minutes...still no A. Sooooo Hope calls him again...he STILL HAS NOT LEFT HIS HOUSE! Hope then begin to yell at him, and 10 minutes later he shows up. At this point, Hope tells me I'm going solo (ahhhh!) and gives me the number for L's relatives, informing me to call them when we get close (gulp). She had already called them to get them prepared, but insisted I call again to make sure. 

At this point it's 10:50 and we are JUST leaving Jinja. 

- I had a new driver I've never had before, and after I introduce myself, I tell him how important it is that we get to the Embassy by 1:00, and to do whatever he needed to get us there! He was kind and spoke English well, and he assured me he would get us there. So the whole drive, I'm praying under by breath, and I don't think I actually took a breath for over 3 hours. Halfway through the drive, I call L's relative (P), and I get an immediate message back saying his phone is off. I immediately begin to panic, and call Hope to inform her. She says she will try him, and get back to me. 5 minutes later she calls me back and says she was able to get a hold of him and told him to keep his phone on. So I call him back...he answers...and I tell him where we are and that we will be to his town in 25-30 minutes. He says he will be ready, and we hang up. As we got closer, I asked my driver to talk to P in order to direct him where to pick him up. So I hand my phone to the driver, he talks to P, tells him where to go and they hang up. We then arrive at P's meeting spot...he's not there. I ask the driver to call him again...he does...10 minutes later P shows up. He's supposed to have the other relative (M) with him, but instead has someone else I've never met. I again start to panic. I greet him hello, ask him if he has M's ID, and then ask him where M is?! He informs me we will pick her up just down the road, and thankfully hands me M's ID (I have the passports for the other 2 in my purse!). So we drive another 15 minutes or so, and P directs the driver to stop to pick up M. I don't see her waiting anywhere so P gets out of the car to go get her. 5 minutes goes by, 10, 15, 20, 25, and FINALLY 30 MINUTES LATER, P and M are back at the car. The entire time I'm waiting for them, I'm praying like a mad woman and I also called P's phone 10 times with no answer. My heart was in my throat! It is now 12:10pm and we are still pretty far outside Kampala. 

- Once I calm down a bit, P asks me about the passports, and I inform him I have them in my purse. Then he starts talking to the driver in Luganda, and I tune out as I don't know what is being said. The whole time I'm texting Paul to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. So we're driving...things are moving pretty well...I'm recognizing all the usual landmarks to get to the Embassy...until I don't. I just assumed the driver was going a different way, and seeing as I have no clue where things are in Kampala, I just let it roll. At 12:55 he parks the car, and says he will wait here until we're done. I get out of the car...get the family out of the car...and realize instantly that we're down the street from the passport office NOT the Embassy. I run back to the car and ask the driver why we are here and not at the Embassy?! He informs me that P told him we needed to pick up passports first. SAY WHAT?! I'm sure this is the conversation they had in Luganda AFTER I already told P that I had the passports IN MY PURSE! So I tell the family to get back in the car and in sheer panic ask the driver how far away we are. He says only 5 km, but he doesn't know how long it will take with traffic. My panic level goes through the roof. So he pulls out, drives quickly, and we immediately get stuck in a traffic circle in stand still traffic. Again, I'm praying like crazy under my breath, all the while feeling like my heart is going to explode out of my chest. After about 5 minutes, we finally start moving, and my driver zipped along as fast as he could. We arrive at the Embassy at 1:07 and I tell the family to HURRY (in Uganda that's like asking them to walk as fast as a turtle instead of a snail! :) I love them, but they definitely don't understand the need to rush). So I power walk ahead, get through the first level of security, get the family through security, and head to the window to get our visitor passes. I tell the man (behind the bullet proof glass) that I am here for a visa interview and I slide my passport under the slot. He checks in out...looks at his computer...and tells me "You don't have an appointment today." Cue my bajillionth panic attack. I take a breath and inform him that the Embassy had e-mailed me this morning for a 1:00 time slot, and that I had confirmed via e-mail. He asks me to see the e-mail, and I pull it up and then hold my phone up to the window. He appears to read it, and then without saying anything, just slides my passport and visitor's badge under the slot. THANK YOU JESUS. So once that is resolved, I check the other 3 in, get all of our phones and goods checked into a locker, get us all through the second level of security, and power walk my way up to the consular section. 

- Once I'm there, I check in and they ask us to wait outside. At this point it's almost 1:20, and I'm sure we've missed our appointment. There was another adoptive mom there (that I knew through FaceBook), and she told me her appointment was at 1:30, but she had arrived at 12:45 and no one had been called back since she got there. So I continue to pray and wait...pray and wait. Not more than 5 minutes later, they call my name and I usher all of the family members back inside. I go in first and then get A situated. 15 minutes later he comes out and I go back in. They then ask for M and P. So I usher them in, get them settled, and then go back to the waiting room and sit. 20 minutes later they come out, I go back in, and the consular asks me to go wait and he'll call me back in. I immediately go into worst case scenario mode. I'm thinking...maybe A said something and they are going to only approve L's case and J's case may get sent to Rome...I know, I know I was catastrophizing, but you would've too if you were in my shoes! I wait 15 more minutes until the consular calls me back in. He says nothing except, "Well, we hope to have your visas ready to pick up tomorrow at 4pm. We normally don't do this, but since you've been waiting 2 extra weeks, we will try to have it ready by then." In my state of panic, it took me a moment to register what he said. I then kindly smiled, thank him, ask him a couple clarifying questions, and walk back to the waiting room, as if all this was no big deal. I was literally in shock. However, seeing as I was alone, I got my thoughts back in focus, gathered up the family and head out of the Embassy back to the car. Once we get in, I give the driver some directives then immediately call Paul. He is also in shock and we, together, continue to mumble words of disbelief that this day actually happened! 

- The drive home was tough. We had to drop off the family members one at a time again, it was POURING rain, and with the craziness of the day, I felt like I hardly got to talk to them. So as we dropped each one off, I got out of the car in the rain, gave them hugs and thanked them for making today happen. P and M were so kind, and P actually bowed to me while thanking me and then teared up after we hugged. It was very emotional for me as well, but with the craziness of the last 2 weeks, the craziness of the day and standing in the rain, I was still feeling a bit numb. I gave him another hug, assured him we would keep in touch, and hopped back in the car as he walked away. Talk about emotional. Woof. 

- At 4:45 I arrive back to our guesthouse and Paul and I hugged for what felt like forever in pure relief. Of course we tell the boys the good news, and they OF COURSE jump up and down and celebrate with us, but in reality we know they have no idea what this all really means! :) Once step down, now visas to go!

- Tuesday was a fairly normal morning, but at 12:45, Paul headed to Kampala to pick up the visas and I stayed behind with the boys. The Embassy said they would call or e-mail me if the paperwork wouldn't be ready, but seeing as I didn't have any notification, Paul headed out. They told us to come at 4:00, and when Paul arrived he was one of the only people there. He said he was getting a bit nervous, until they finally called his name at 4:30. He headed into the 5x5 room, they handed over the passports, the visas and the triple sealed envelopes we need to hand carry to the U.S. and that was that. We finally have everything we need to go home!! When he called me to tell me the news, I was still so stoic, but continually thanking God for his goodness. There is definitely NO WAY this would've happened without God's intervention, because there were a million reasons on Monday why I shouldn't have made that interview. We were told if we didn't make it that afternoon, the next appointment wouldn't be until Thursday, which would've put us behind another whole week. I mean, c'mon guys. God is good. 

So at this point, we are planning to leave Uganda late Thursday night and arrive in Dulles on Friday afternoon. Please pray that we are able to get through the Entebbe security without any difficulties as they typically give adoptive families a very hard time. Please pray the boys are calm for the flight and hopefully get some sleep! Pray for rest and patience for us, as we are already exhausted and we know this flight will only further that trend! Please pray that the boys will transition well, and that they won't regress a ton once we're home. Some regression is normal, but we would love to have a more seamless transition, especially since we've put in a lot of hard work already here! 

While we are so excited to go home, leaving Jinja will definitely be bittersweet. It is here that we first became a family. Here where we learned what parental love really means. It was here that we fought many battles of fear, anger, and loss, but each time learned how great our God really is. We have come out stronger, bolder, braver, despite the emotional trauma that ensued, and through it all, feel more determined to follow God's call on our lives in whatever capacity that is. God has used this time to redeem not only our children's lives, but ours as well, and we have felt privileged to be a part of this time in our boys' lives. We still have a long road of healing, bonding and trust ahead of us, but we know God will be faithful to complete the work he started in all 4 of us. As we navigate this new season, we want all of you to be a part of it, but we ask that you respect this special time in our lives, and continue to be sensitive to our needs as a family. Here are few things we'd like to share as we prepare to come home...

- Let us hibernate a little bit! Trust me, we want to see all of you too, but we know this adjustment will be HUGE and a bit traumatic for our boys, and we need to give them time to grieve and adjust. As wonderful as bringing them home will be, we are taking them away from everything they've ever known and everything that is familiar to them. So yes, they will need some time to grieve these losses, as difficult as they were. This season will be about bonding and building trust, so unless we give you the okay to stop by, please don't make any surprise visits! Additionally, we have many requirements we have to fulfill in the first 30 days we're home, so I know with the holidays slammed in there it will be a whirlwind. However, a phone call or e-mail asking to stop by is perfectly acceptable! Just don't be offended if we happen to say no that day :)

- If you happen to run into us when we're out and about, please refrain from holding our boys. High fives and fist bumps are okay, but we need them to feel safe with us in America first before we start passing them off to others :) Additionally, we ask that you not give out any food or toys as they still have a lot of learning to do in regards to possessions and respect. As we get settled this will change, but for now, a high-five will do! :)

- Please do not ask personal details of their background or their family information. That information is their story to tell, and Paul and I are just temporarily the guardians of that information. We want the boys to know that information first and then share it on their terms as they are older. I know so may of you are curious (and heck, I would be too!), but many of the details surrounding their past is painful to rehash for all of us, and it doesn't help our healing to continue to share it. Additionally, please don't ask about the nitty-gritty details or other adoption related stuff in front of the boys. While most of the time it wouldn't matter, they are both VERY observant and I don't want to talk about them in front of them. I'm happy to share the details of our journey with you, but let's do it over coffee rather than with the boys! Please and thank you!

- Give us grace. We are still learning to be a family...they are still learning to be brothers...and everything is going to require extra time. They still have so many wounds they are working through, and even though things may seem normal, we are far from it. We ask that you continue to pray for healing and restoration for all of us!

Thank you all so much for sticking by us in this difficult time and for all your words, prayers and support. I know I've said it a million times before, but seriously, you all have no idea how awesome you are to us. You've reminded us to keep persevering, and in the face of emotional and financial despair, you have all rallied on our behalf and given us the ability to put one foot in front of the other. Our hearts are full, and we are thankful for each one of you.  

Virginia, here we come!

Week 12...Remaining Faithful

Hi All,

This week will again be less detailed than usual. To be honest, I'm feeling a bit like a zombie these days, and Paul and I are doing everything we can to just get through. We are exhausted beyond belief, tired of being uncomfortable, and ready to have some help. I've also been sick again this week, which has made all of this infinitely harder than it needs to be. If I'm being transparent here, we are feeling alone, overwhelmed and frustrated. We hardly sleep at night for so many reasons beyond our control, the boys have been sleeping terribly as well which only adds to our stress, and with the uncertainty of our timeline to come home, everything just seems so difficult. 

The rain has been miserable, and we've found ourselves walking through ridiculous amounts of mud and rain just to make it to shelter or to make it back home. Since we have no other way to get around, we are normally soaked, dirty and spent by the time we reach our destination, and it definitely makes keeping our routine very difficult. It's made our time inside infinitely longer, which with 2 active toddlers, is not fun. We have also seemingly run out of things to do, so Paul and I are trying to embrace the day to day and just take it as it comes. Most days have been our usual morning routine of breakfast and getting all of us ready, before heading to the orphanage to check-in. Based on what news we get, we either work on tasks to send off to local offices, or head for a spot of coffee and take a breath. We haven't done anything fun or new or different over this week, and we're trying to be okay with that. Another family adopting from our orphanage arrived this week, so we have spent quite a bit of our time showing them the ropes. They definitely seem overwhelmed with the process and paperwork, so I have put together handouts and checklists for them to make it less daunting. We have also tried to find them room at our guesthouse, as I know our experience would have been so much worse without Alba's. It was nice to step out of myself again and be able to help this couple with their current needs. They have a long road ahead of them, but I'm confident God is with them. 

Tuesday was tough as Jon and Becca headed home without us, when we were all supposed to fly out together. As they were driving away in the car to the airport, Paul and I both stood outside on the concrete and sobbed. It was our way of grieving what their departure meant, and even more so, the loss of the hope we were holding onto to go home together. Not to mention J has been so out of sorts this week, and it has been challenging just trying to get him settled. He must have sensed the change in our demeanor and emotions, because the change in his behavior didn't start until Tuesday, which was when everything really set in for us. My heart has been downcast much of this week, and it's been hard to find the joy in the day to day. I know that sounds dramatic, and maybe it is, but when you're still riding the roller coaster you got on 3 months ago, it's simply the truth. I feel like I don't know what normal is anymore, because this time has changed so much so fast. We have been through a lot and have given so much of ourselves to our boys, and we are realizing that our hearts need refreshment. We need to be home. 

Our tempers are definitely short these days, and we find ourselves having to "take 10" often just to keep ourselves in check. We love our boys more than anything, but after 3 months of all day, everyday entertainment, with no help, and all the emotional and physical challenges surrounding it all, we are SPENT. Our tanks are empty and our patience is running thin, and it takes a lot of energy to just remain calm in the storm. The boys continue to test us with their behaviors, mainly to see how consistent we will be, but we are feeling the effects of it all, and are in need of a respite. I think while most people understand adoption is different, there really is no comparison to "normal" children growing up in America. Our boys have been through incredibly traumatic experiences, and even though they are just children, all of the garbage they've experienced is in them somewhere. As they get more comfortable with us...as they trust us more...all of this garbage comes out in different ways, at different times and often when you least expect it. Until us, they have never had anything truly consistent or loving in their lives, and even though they love being with us, it's clear how petrified they are that we will leave them. We never know what will trigger a tantrum or tears or a fear response, and as a parent it's really hard to not know what is going through your child's head or heart when they are in that state. We work hard to reassure them and comfort them constantly, even when their behavior doesn't warrant it, but in those awful moments, when we feel like it couldn't get any worse, that's when God steps in and reminds us that He is healing them little by little; but the depth of their wounds will take time to heal. The beautiful moments of the day when our boys say I love you or just come hug us for no reason, we are reminded of why we are doing this and why we said yes to this call on our lives. On the flip side, it doesn't make the day to day emotion of it all just go away, and Paul and I often need to talk through what's going on, so we can process it and move forward. I was talking to another adoptive mom this week and we were remarking on how "unnatural" adoption is. Not to say it's not beautiful and awesome and important, but it's simply not the norm. This conversation definitely put my mind at ease, because, let me tell you, it's not easy. None of this has been natural or easy. But just as much as it's been ugly and painful and frustrating, it's been beautiful and amazing and redemptive, for all of us. I've come to realize that what we do everyday is a calling. It's a decision we made to trust God's plan for our lives and take a leap of faith that He will take care of the rest. It's a way to be the hands and feet of Jesus in a more tangible way, and to care for these beautiful children that He loves WAY more than we ever could, and who He knew before they were even formed in the womb. He chose us as their parents long ago, and even though this has been the most challenging time of my whole life, I'm strengthened by God's faithfulness and goodness every time I look into my sweet boys' eyes. 

If this time has taught me anything, it's how little control we really have over our own lives, and how much this life is not our own and not for our own pleasure. God is using us for a GREATER purpose and it's not always easy, and it's not always how we want it, but we're exactly where He needs us. This season has given us no choice but to fully surrender and be 100% reliant upon Him, even when we thought we already were. He has humbled us in ways deeper than we knew possible. He is refining us, stripping us of anything and everything we think we can hold onto and making us more like Him. His kingdom is being furthered because we are working to remain faithful, and that's what makes this all worth it. 

Okay, now that all the mushy stuff is out of the way, let me give you our update. 

- One of L's relative was able to get her National ID that was ready, but she had not obtained it yet. Unfortunately her name was spelled completely wrong, and we were nervous the Embassy wouldn't accept it. So after 5 days of e-mails back and forth, they finally told us that it would be acceptable. PRAISE JESUS.

- The other one of L's relatives and J's relative had no ID and one had no birth certificate. So we have now obtained the birth certificate, applied for their passports and paid the legal expedite fee for 2 day completion.

- As of Saturday, WE HAVE THE PASSPORTS IN HAND (there are literally no words), and we are believing the Embassy will try to get us in quickly.  

- We have already sent an e-mail notifying them of our update, and will wait to hear their reply. Typically you have to wait 2 days from your interview date to pick up the visas, so we are still unsure as to when we will be able to come home, until we hear back from the Embassy. 

Again, we have no idea how this will all shake out, or what lies ahead, but we are putting our trust in God and remaining faithful in His promise to us. From the beginning of this journey our adoption mantra has been Hebrews 10:23, "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope WITHOUT WAVERING, for He who promised is faithful." That verse has been on the wall of our home for over a year now, and it has never felt as confirming as it does right now. We serve a mighty God, and we are excited to share with you the good news THIS week. 

Here's a few pics of our time with Jon and Becca. Thankfully Becca filled in as my photographer, because I hardly took any pictures! 

Our Guesthouse - Balidhabene 

The view from the balcony

Breakfast at Alba's

Our Daily Commute

Outside Central Market

  Downtown Jinja

 The Sailing Club with my BFF <3

Alba's Gelato

 Just my kids eating lunch with shirts on their heads...No big deal.

Jman wearing Paul's jeans 

Bedtime book reading with daddy

Thank you all for your continued love and support. We wouldn't still be standing without you. 

Love, love, love,

Week 11...Delayed :(

Hi All,

I am not really in the mood to blog this week, but I wanted to at least update you on what's going on. We can't thank you all enough for the outpouring of love, prayers, encouragement and financial support. In the midst of uncertainty we have felt so uplifted by your kindness, and we appreciate you more than we can say.

At this time we are still in a bit of limbo. Here's the information we have so far:

- One of L's relatives found out her national ID was ready for pick-up, however her first name is spelled wrong. So we have e-mailed the Embassy to see if this will still be a valid ID, but we have not heard back yet. If this isn't a viable option, we will plan to apply for her passport. All of this is hear-say as we have not physically seen her ID, but we are praying the Embassy will be flexible on this. 

- L's other relative applied last December but still doesn't have his ID. J's relative doesn't have a birth certificate or ID. We have already gotten the short birth certificate for J's relative, and are planning to apply for passports for both of them. We were told there is a legit expedite fee through the Directorate of Citizenship and Immigration Control that could get passports in 2 days. We don't know if this timeline is true or not, but it's worth a shot. We have already given our orphanage the money for the expedite fee and the Embassy confirmed that this was not a bribe. So at this time we are planning to move forward. Prayerfully, the applications will be submitted on Monday and then the wait begins. To give you some perspective, we paid a different legal expedite fee for the boys' passports and it still took over 2 weeks. We're praying it will be faster than this!

- We have also asked the Embassy about DNA testing. If the passports are taking too long, we may go this route to confirm relative status. The Embassy told us that this would have to be done through their approved medical clinic, and could still take "several weeks." We're going to keep this on the back burner.

We're praying God will guide our every step as we navigate this situation. We don't know what the next few weeks hold, but we are remaining hopeful and expectant despite the heartbreak we're feeling in not going home this week. We had only paid for rent through Sunday, November 1, but thankfully our land-lady doesn't have another renter lined up, so we will plan to stay where we are. We still need to figure our supplies and a few other things, but that's minor in comparison to figuring out how to get home!

Jon and Becca have been here this week which has been such an emotional help. At a time when we're feeling tired, weary and desperate for home, having your best friends here makes it a bit better. We are super sad to know they will be flying home without us on Tuesday, but we are trusting God to do the impossible, and we're believing to be home before Thanksgiving! 

We love you all and we ask you to continue standing by us during this time. This has been a very trying and difficult journey, but we know God is fighting for us and we have faith that He will see us through. 

L praying for a miracle.
This is right after we told him we wouldn't be going home to America this week. I told him we needed to pray for a miracle, and to ask God to get us home soon! The next time I came in the kitchen this is what he was doing. Bless. 

Love to you,

Prayers Needed

Our dear friends and family,

If you are a praying person, we ask that you please pray for us. It is with a heavy heart to let you know that we will not be coming home next week.

Our Embassy visit was postponed from Monday to Tuesday as one of the consulars was sick, yet thankfully they got us in the next day which is normally not the case. On Tuesday we made the trip to Kampala and went in for our Visa interview at 2:15. I spoke with consular for 45 minutes and he had no concerns regarding the boys' cases and essentially "cleared" Paul and I. The next step is having to interview the boys' biological family that are "releasing" them to us for adoption. For us this is 3 relatives...2 for L and 1 for J. When they went in to be interviewed (the last step before awarding us their Visas), we were told they could not be interviewed as they did not have the correct form of ID.

Long story short...for the last 10+ years the Embassy has been accepting residential village IDs for their interviewing family members. As of September 1, 2015 they changed this requirement to a Ugandan national ID (this includes a passport, a driver's license, a voter ID card or a National ID card), which has to be in laminated plastic card format. While this seems straight-forward, it's not. Very few Ugandans have passports and they take a while to get issued. Voter ID cards are almost non-existent and not actually needed to vote, so no one really has them. A driver's license requires 4 weeks of driving school and then another 3 months wait time (however unless you drive for your source of income, you don't get one). A Ugandan National ID card is the newest form of ID, and even extremely wealthy people/people in high-ranking government positions don't even have one. they are extremely difficult to get and I read a statistic last night that only 400 Ugandans have one (not sure how accurate this is now). Additionally, Uganda is in the middle of election season which means that every low level government task is essentially put on hold. This means no voter ID cards or national ID cards are being printed at this time. When I asked our lawyer for a time frame of when they MAY be printed, she estimated January. And that's best case scenario.

I knew in July that this change at the Embassy was going to be taken into effect and had e-mailed our orphanage director notifying her and inquiring on this. She sent me a reply e-mail back saying that they are always on top of the IDs for the family, and they never have a problem at the Embassy. Additionally, I checked again when I arrived in country and they seemed to brush it off like everything was handled. So I assumed it was. Sigh.

So after our Embassy appointment (where we were sent away without completing the interview), I called everyone involved in our case, who all declined that they knew anything about this. When I reminded our director that I had sent her an e-mail in July stating this, she basically denied that this was the case and did not remember my notification. Once I had this conversation with her, I knew this was bad. So I sat outside the U.S. Embassy and sobbed. And sobbed. And sobbed. I was grieving the loss of all the hope and stamina I had mustered to make it home, and Paul and I just stared at each other in pure disbelief. I called my parents and asked them to pray through my sobs, and then composed myself enough to call our director back. She told us to go first to the lawyer's office to debrief and allow them to question the family (they speak Luganda and only a little English), and then come back to Jinja to speak with the in-country director, William, in person. So we go to the lawyers office and explain what's going on. She questions the family and we find out that L's side had applied for their national IDs in December 2014 and has yet to received them, but J's side had not applied at all. When she told me this I literally wanted to throw-up. They've been waiting 11 months and STILL don't have them?! So I kindly ask her what this means and what the heck do we do?! We talk through a few things (I'll discuss later), then we get in the car and drive back to Jinja. Paul and I were distraught. We were trying to speak life, hope and joy out of our mouths even though we wanted to blow a gasket, but we virtually rode home in silence while trying to contain our 2 super cranky boys who hadn't napped or eaten all day (you're not allowed to bring food into the Embassy).

So here's all the information we've gathered over the last 24 hours...after hours of talking to the lawyer, to William, to the director in California (Mandy), to other adoptive families who have gone through this...

- We can try to find the receipt of application for L's family and then have them sign affidavits stating when they applied and how long they've been waiting and see if the Embassy would accept this with the residential village ID.

- J's family hasn't applied at all and doesn't have a birth certificate. So we are going to 1) apply for his birth certificate and then see if we can get him to apply for a passport which take at a minimum 3 weeks, but probably more like 4-6.

- Other adoptive families have paid a bribe to the passport office to get the families passport's "expedited". Which really means someone forces it through and then pockets your money. We WILL NOT do this. We will not add to the corruption of this country. We've prided ourselves on completing an ethical adoption, and we won't change that now. However, there hasn't been a family I spoke with to go through (since the Sept. 1 change) that didn't do this. Sigh.

- We have contacted our local congressman to see if his office will petition the U.S. Embassy on our behalf, as this change to the national ID is such a ridiculous exception. To put it in perspective, even the former attorney general doesn't have one. We are asking them to make an exception and interview our family members since they have applied for their national ID, but just don't have the IDs in hand yet.

- The director Mandy is also petitioning the State Department to intervene.

- I have also e-mailed the Embassy explaining the severity of this change to the National ID, and frankly told them that if they expect Americans to add to the corruption by paying bribes to get this done, then I will not do that. We'll see what they come back with...

At this point, we have no idea how long this will take. We have no idea when we will come home. We don't know what the next steps are. We are here indefinitely until this gets resolved OR the Embassy gives us a pardon and agrees to interview the family members. We are running through all the options, but in all honestly we're scared. We are almost out of everything we brought, as we planned for 3 months, and have no real way to get things here without them getting lost or pilfered through. We KNOW God can perform a miracle. We KNOW He can do the impossible. We are expecting Him to intervene on our behalf. But we are also trying to be realistic as we are in a 3rd world country with minimal resources.

Here are a few of our personal scenarios...

1) Paul comes home to work and I stay behind with both boys. I'm crying thinking about this.

2) If L's family can get their IDs soon, maybe Paul will come home with L and I will stay behind with J until his family can get their passports.

3) We both stay here, and find someone to rent our house/fundraise some more to help cover the extra costs.

4) God performs a HUGE miracle for us and we ALL come home ASAP.

I'm not quite sure I have the words to express how we're feeling, but we are working hard to remain hopeful and expectant, and trying not to let the boys feel our anxiousness. Needless to say we are tired and weary and just want to be home. We were excited to be home before the holidays, but unless God intervenes, I don't think that will be the case.

Please pray. Please stand by us. Please send us encouragement. We need it. Every day is still a challenge. Every day is a mental battle. And now we're feeling the extra weight on our shoulders. We want to keep our family together, but at this point we don't know how realistic this is financially.

We covet your prayers. Thank you for standing by us.