There's no place like home :)

Friends and Family,

We can't even begin to tell you how amazing it is to be home. We are settling in little by little, but are still feeling the exhaustion of the last 12 weeks. We are trying to remain consistent with discipline and routine, but it's been hard with the time change and all the excitement of so much newness!! Overall though, things have been better than we anticipated and we couldn't feel more blessed to have these two little lives finally in our home!

Here is some info on our trip home as well as a few updates on our boys!

1) The trip home was difficult at best. The run-down is as follows:

• 3 hour drive to Kampala
• 4 hour wait in Kampala to which we had a goodbye lunch with our Ugandan friend Clare and we let the boys run around and play a bit before we were going to force them to constrained to a seat!
• 2 hour drive to Entebbe
• 1 hour wait outside the airport until we could check in: the boys were delirious at this point!
• Checked in and through immigration! Thankfully the immigration officer was kind and we had no issues getting the boys through! Thank you Jesus!
• 3 hour wait in the airport until we could board
• 8 hour flight to Amsterdam: the boys were both asleep before we took off. Sebastian slept most of the flight. Jordan was up almost every 15 minutes. I would then pick him up, rock him back to sleep, and then repeat about 100 more times :) I shed my fair share of silent tears on the flight home due to fatigue, but I tried to keep my head in check, as this was truly the home stretch!
• 7 hour layover in Amsterdam. This was torture. We were all exhausted. There is no good place for kids to play or run around and there were a million people everywhere! The boys were definitely getting grumpy at this point, and it took a lot of patience from Paul and I to keep them calm. 
• 8 hour flight to Dulles: the boys slept on and off for the first 2 hours, but were then up for the rest of the flight. We didn't have any huge meltdowns or tantrums, but the boys were antsy and stubborn most of the time. Even with a large sampling of kids movies and shows on the flight, they were only interested in watching something for about 30 minutes. We couldn't believe it! We thought for SURE they would LOVE to have so much interrupted time to watch TV, but no...they were totally disinterested. We thought this would be clutch, but Paul and I could've cried when we realized this was going to be a no go. Once we saw we still had 5 hours of flight time left, we finally gave in and just gave them our phones and iPad to play with. This kept them content for a couple hours, but it was still constant attention for most of the flight. We were spent.
• We landed in Dulles at 3:45 on Friday afternoon, went through immigration, got our bags, went through customs, and finally saw our family! It was such an awesome moment for the boys to meet their grandparents and surprisingly, they both did really well! Sebastian was so excited, but Jordan definitely had some reservations, which was exacerbated by the fatigue. Plus, little guy was pretty sick during our whole trip home, which made all of this much worse. Regardless, we were FINALLY home and it felt so good. Here's a sneak peak and a few of our homecoming pics! 

• We spent a little time in the airport for everyone to acclimate then loaded up in a van and got the boys strapped into their CAR SEATS! Can I get an amen?! We ate dinner on the ride home, and the boys were asleep instantly after they finished eating :) They slept almost the whole ride home, which I think we could've done as well!
• When we got home, we carried them in, took them to the bathroom, changed their clothes, laid them in their beds, and they were asleep before we finished praying for them. It was SO surreal for Paul and I and we stood there full of awe, joy and exhaustion as we looked at them sleeping in their room. The room we worked so hard on and spent so many weekends creating. The room we used to look into when it was empty, and couldn't wait for the day for the beds to be full. They were finally home.
• We chatted with our parents for a bit after the boys went to bed, and then we relished in all things comfortable. We sat on a couch! For the last 3 months we've only been sitting in plastic lawn chairs, so this was amazing. I took a long, hot shower! The first one in 3 months, and the first one where I didn't have to hold the shower head the entire time only to have cold water come out! And finally we climbed into our bed, which literally felt like sleeping on a cloud. Pure heaven.
• The boys slept well that night and were up at 6:30am. We let them explore their room for a bit before heading downstairs to the living room. They were excited at so many little things, and it was fun to see what made them giggle! In the morning, both sets of grandparents came over, and we spent all day inside, playing, exploring, and letting the grandparents take them in :) The boys got more and more comfortable as the day went on, and it was great to see them go to our parents to play. Their nap felt like night to them, and we had to pick them up and get them into daylight to wake them...and even then they just wanted to go back to sleep. The afternoon was pretty chill, and I don't think Jordan ever really woke up. After dinner we gave them a bath and then put them to bed. They went down easy, and we were SO thankful, but unfortunately it was to our detriment. At 2:45am, Sebastian got out of bed to go to the bathroom, and at 3:05am they were both in our room wide-eyed and bushy-tailed! We scooped them up and put them back in bed, and they never went back to sleep. There were many other details surrounding the morning, but needless to say we were all up at 3:05, and we have been draaaaaaggggginnng all day long. 
• It's been SO nice to have some help with the boys and with things around the house, and Paul and I have been so grateful to not be doing everything ourselves all day, every day. We don't know how long the transition will take or how long we will feel like zombies, but I imagine this is much what it feels like to have a newborn, except they're not walking and talking yet :)
• To say the least it feels amazing to be parenting in our own home and with our own rules. There were so many stipulations on what we could and couldn't do in the Ugandan culture, and we often felt like our hands were tied in so many different areas. With that said, it is bittersweet to have just a drastic change to our family routine, and we have been trying to keep up conversations with the boys about Uganda and our time there. It's clear they have happy memories of our guest house and it's been good to keep those up :)

2) We are changing Lawrence's name to Sebastian (which was my maiden name!). There was a lot of thought and prayer that went into this, but every time we go back to Sebastian for his name, so we will be legally changing it once we apply for their citizenship :) He has embraced it well and will now refer to himself as Sebastian. Jordan still needs some prompting, but is also calling him Sebastian more regularly. So with that said, if you see us, try to call him Sebastian! We still slip and call him Lawrence occasionally, but he is definitely our little Sebastian :)

3) Jordan is a happy, lovey, tender boy, but after seeing certain traits now that he's gotten more adjusted to us, we believe he may have a sensory processing disorder or even low-level autism. We are NOT claiming this for him and we are not ruling out God's intervention, but at this point I want to give you all a heads up, as he definitely has triggers that come and go based on the day. Initially we thought most of it was just habits from the orphanage, but it's clear that there is more going on in many areas. This is obviously complicated as we don't know much of his past medical history or much of his family's background, and since Ugandan standards are SO different than ours, it's hard to get any concrete details. Even though he's 4, he is really at the emotional and developmental stage of a 2 year old, and we are trying to parent him at that age. It's been VERY difficult on us, and there are many other details surrounding all of this, but we at least wanted to give you all some understanding for when you meet him :) We in NO WAY want this to change your perception or view of him, because he's AWESOME!!! but we want you to know that if he acts a certain way or does something, it's not because of you! He just needs some time to adjust to new things and new people, and I know once we're more settled in at home, he will only get better. We plan to get a full developmental assessment done on him before the end of the year, and we're hoping that will shed some light on how best to help him. 

4) It is with great pleasure that we can finally post pictures of their faces! So without further adieu, here is the full Stevens Party of Four!

Jordan Paul Stevens
Age 4, Birthday: July 12, 2011

Sebastian Kadaga Stevens
Age 3, Birthday: December 5, 2011

In the next few weeks we will have our first social work visit, we will need to follow-up on their green cards, apply for their social security cards, take them for medicals visits, begin vaccinations and so much more. Much of this is required within the first 30 days of arrival, so we know we will be busy bees! Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we move forward, as there is still a long way to go. Even though we are home, there is still so much hurt to work through and a lot of bonding to do. So while the biggest hurdle is out of the way, we are believing that God will continue to heal our boys, and give Paul and I wisdom every step of the way.

We again can't thank you all enough for your kindness, love, support, prayers and encouragement. Every day is a new adventure, and now that we're home we know it will only continue from here! We can't wait to share more pictures and videos with you in the coming weeks, and we hope you will all continue to follow-along on our journey.

Love,

WE ARE COMING HOME!!!!!!!!

Our dear friends and family,

It is with the most grateful of hearts that I am able to say WE ARE COMING HOME!!!!! There is NO other way we could be coming home this week without the favor of God, and we can't even express how thankful we are. We have felt like we've been at war, and even when things fell into place and we got all the paperwork needed, we still felt mostly numb to it all. We are excited on the inside, but will be rejoicing when our butts are actually on that plane! 

The story of how it all shook out is not really believable, and we are still reeling at the chain of events over the last 4 days. So just to give you some idea, here's a (not so) brief synopsis...

- We found out late Friday night that the passports had been printed. We were skeptical, especially since they didn't say they are “ready”, and to be honest, we didn’t think we would have them until early this week.

- On Saturday, Paul goes to the orphanage and our director HAS THE PASSPORTS in his hand! WHAT?! So Paul and I compose ourselves, and that evening write an e-mail to the Embassy letting them know we have everything we need for the interview. 

- On Monday morning, I am checking my e-mail like a maniac, as I was hoping the Embassy would e-mail to let us know of our appointment date. We were assuming we would get an interview for Wednesday or Thursday this week, which wouldn't allow us to pick up our visas until the following week. Regardless, I was super anxious, and kept refreshing my internet (which is about as fast as a slug in super glue), waiting to hear back. Well at 8:35 I get an e-mail from the Embassy saying that they could squeeze us in THAT DAY at 1:00. Excuse me? Did that say today at 1:00 TODAY?! 

- So in pure panic mode, I tell Paul who immediately calls our orphanage director. Of course his phone is OFF, and about 30 calls later, he finally answers his phone at 9:20. AHHH! So we tell him the situation and ask if he can get the family together. He basically tells us that it's not going to happen, but if we want to "risk it", he will make the calls. So we say YES, GO, CALL, MAKE IT HAPPEN. After that, Paul and I pretty much resolved that we weren't going, so we finished breakfast, got the boys ready, got ourselves mostly ready, and then were just playing in the apartment with the boys. We would typically leave Jinja at 10:00 (at the latest) to get to Kampala by 1:00, and by this time it was already 9:58. THEN all of a sudden the phone rings...it's our director saying it's a go! So I jump up, put on a dress, back my bags, kiss all 3 of my boys, and take a boda to the orphanage (Paul and the boys didn't need to go). 

- I arrive at 10:15am, and the social worker, Hope, (who helps coordinate the family) tells me that J's relative (let's call him A - who lives very close) is on his way, and we would pick up L's relatives on our way. So 5 minutes go by, A is still not there. Hope calls him again, and he admits he lied and hasn't left his house. Deep breath. So she tells him to get on a boda and come here ASAP, and he says he's getting on one now and will be there. So another 5 minutes goes by, A is still not there. Hope calls him again...he has still not left his house. She then tells him to take a boda to a meeting point just outside of town toward Kampala and we would meet him there. So me and Hope get in the car with our driver, and get to the meeting point in record time. We park the car and wait another 5 minutes...still no A. Sooooo Hope calls him again...he STILL HAS NOT LEFT HIS HOUSE! Hope then begin to yell at him, and 10 minutes later he shows up. At this point, Hope tells me I'm going solo (ahhhh!) and gives me the number for L's relatives, informing me to call them when we get close (gulp). She had already called them to get them prepared, but insisted I call again to make sure. 

At this point it's 10:50 and we are JUST leaving Jinja. 

- I had a new driver I've never had before, and after I introduce myself, I tell him how important it is that we get to the Embassy by 1:00, and to do whatever he needed to get us there! He was kind and spoke English well, and he assured me he would get us there. So the whole drive, I'm praying under by breath, and I don't think I actually took a breath for over 3 hours. Halfway through the drive, I call L's relative (P), and I get an immediate message back saying his phone is off. I immediately begin to panic, and call Hope to inform her. She says she will try him, and get back to me. 5 minutes later she calls me back and says she was able to get a hold of him and told him to keep his phone on. So I call him back...he answers...and I tell him where we are and that we will be to his town in 25-30 minutes. He says he will be ready, and we hang up. As we got closer, I asked my driver to talk to P in order to direct him where to pick him up. So I hand my phone to the driver, he talks to P, tells him where to go and they hang up. We then arrive at P's meeting spot...he's not there. I ask the driver to call him again...he does...10 minutes later P shows up. He's supposed to have the other relative (M) with him, but instead has someone else I've never met. I again start to panic. I greet him hello, ask him if he has M's ID, and then ask him where M is?! He informs me we will pick her up just down the road, and thankfully hands me M's ID (I have the passports for the other 2 in my purse!). So we drive another 15 minutes or so, and P directs the driver to stop to pick up M. I don't see her waiting anywhere so P gets out of the car to go get her. 5 minutes goes by, 10, 15, 20, 25, and FINALLY 30 MINUTES LATER, P and M are back at the car. The entire time I'm waiting for them, I'm praying like a mad woman and I also called P's phone 10 times with no answer. My heart was in my throat! It is now 12:10pm and we are still pretty far outside Kampala. 

- Once I calm down a bit, P asks me about the passports, and I inform him I have them in my purse. Then he starts talking to the driver in Luganda, and I tune out as I don't know what is being said. The whole time I'm texting Paul to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. So we're driving...things are moving pretty well...I'm recognizing all the usual landmarks to get to the Embassy...until I don't. I just assumed the driver was going a different way, and seeing as I have no clue where things are in Kampala, I just let it roll. At 12:55 he parks the car, and says he will wait here until we're done. I get out of the car...get the family out of the car...and realize instantly that we're down the street from the passport office NOT the Embassy. I run back to the car and ask the driver why we are here and not at the Embassy?! He informs me that P told him we needed to pick up passports first. SAY WHAT?! I'm sure this is the conversation they had in Luganda AFTER I already told P that I had the passports IN MY PURSE! So I tell the family to get back in the car and in sheer panic ask the driver how far away we are. He says only 5 km, but he doesn't know how long it will take with traffic. My panic level goes through the roof. So he pulls out, drives quickly, and we immediately get stuck in a traffic circle in stand still traffic. Again, I'm praying like crazy under my breath, all the while feeling like my heart is going to explode out of my chest. After about 5 minutes, we finally start moving, and my driver zipped along as fast as he could. We arrive at the Embassy at 1:07 and I tell the family to HURRY (in Uganda that's like asking them to walk as fast as a turtle instead of a snail! :) I love them, but they definitely don't understand the need to rush). So I power walk ahead, get through the first level of security, get the family through security, and head to the window to get our visitor passes. I tell the man (behind the bullet proof glass) that I am here for a visa interview and I slide my passport under the slot. He checks in out...looks at his computer...and tells me "You don't have an appointment today." Cue my bajillionth panic attack. I take a breath and inform him that the Embassy had e-mailed me this morning for a 1:00 time slot, and that I had confirmed via e-mail. He asks me to see the e-mail, and I pull it up and then hold my phone up to the window. He appears to read it, and then without saying anything, just slides my passport and visitor's badge under the slot. THANK YOU JESUS. So once that is resolved, I check the other 3 in, get all of our phones and goods checked into a locker, get us all through the second level of security, and power walk my way up to the consular section. 

- Once I'm there, I check in and they ask us to wait outside. At this point it's almost 1:20, and I'm sure we've missed our appointment. There was another adoptive mom there (that I knew through FaceBook), and she told me her appointment was at 1:30, but she had arrived at 12:45 and no one had been called back since she got there. So I continue to pray and wait...pray and wait. Not more than 5 minutes later, they call my name and I usher all of the family members back inside. I go in first and then get A situated. 15 minutes later he comes out and I go back in. They then ask for M and P. So I usher them in, get them settled, and then go back to the waiting room and sit. 20 minutes later they come out, I go back in, and the consular asks me to go wait and he'll call me back in. I immediately go into worst case scenario mode. I'm thinking...maybe A said something and they are going to only approve L's case and J's case may get sent to Rome...I know, I know I was catastrophizing, but you would've too if you were in my shoes! I wait 15 more minutes until the consular calls me back in. He says nothing except, "Well, we hope to have your visas ready to pick up tomorrow at 4pm. We normally don't do this, but since you've been waiting 2 extra weeks, we will try to have it ready by then." In my state of panic, it took me a moment to register what he said. I then kindly smiled, thank him, ask him a couple clarifying questions, and walk back to the waiting room, as if all this was no big deal. I was literally in shock. However, seeing as I was alone, I got my thoughts back in focus, gathered up the family and head out of the Embassy back to the car. Once we get in, I give the driver some directives then immediately call Paul. He is also in shock and we, together, continue to mumble words of disbelief that this day actually happened! 

- The drive home was tough. We had to drop off the family members one at a time again, it was POURING rain, and with the craziness of the day, I felt like I hardly got to talk to them. So as we dropped each one off, I got out of the car in the rain, gave them hugs and thanked them for making today happen. P and M were so kind, and P actually bowed to me while thanking me and then teared up after we hugged. It was very emotional for me as well, but with the craziness of the last 2 weeks, the craziness of the day and standing in the rain, I was still feeling a bit numb. I gave him another hug, assured him we would keep in touch, and hopped back in the car as he walked away. Talk about emotional. Woof. 

- At 4:45 I arrive back to our guesthouse and Paul and I hugged for what felt like forever in pure relief. Of course we tell the boys the good news, and they OF COURSE jump up and down and celebrate with us, but in reality we know they have no idea what this all really means! :) Once step down, now visas to go!

- Tuesday was a fairly normal morning, but at 12:45, Paul headed to Kampala to pick up the visas and I stayed behind with the boys. The Embassy said they would call or e-mail me if the paperwork wouldn't be ready, but seeing as I didn't have any notification, Paul headed out. They told us to come at 4:00, and when Paul arrived he was one of the only people there. He said he was getting a bit nervous, until they finally called his name at 4:30. He headed into the 5x5 room, they handed over the passports, the visas and the triple sealed envelopes we need to hand carry to the U.S. and that was that. We finally have everything we need to go home!! When he called me to tell me the news, I was still so stoic, but continually thanking God for his goodness. There is definitely NO WAY this would've happened without God's intervention, because there were a million reasons on Monday why I shouldn't have made that interview. We were told if we didn't make it that afternoon, the next appointment wouldn't be until Thursday, which would've put us behind another whole week. I mean, c'mon guys. God is good. 

So at this point, we are planning to leave Uganda late Thursday night and arrive in Dulles on Friday afternoon. Please pray that we are able to get through the Entebbe security without any difficulties as they typically give adoptive families a very hard time. Please pray the boys are calm for the flight and hopefully get some sleep! Pray for rest and patience for us, as we are already exhausted and we know this flight will only further that trend! Please pray that the boys will transition well, and that they won't regress a ton once we're home. Some regression is normal, but we would love to have a more seamless transition, especially since we've put in a lot of hard work already here! 

While we are so excited to go home, leaving Jinja will definitely be bittersweet. It is here that we first became a family. Here where we learned what parental love really means. It was here that we fought many battles of fear, anger, and loss, but each time learned how great our God really is. We have come out stronger, bolder, braver, despite the emotional trauma that ensued, and through it all, feel more determined to follow God's call on our lives in whatever capacity that is. God has used this time to redeem not only our children's lives, but ours as well, and we have felt privileged to be a part of this time in our boys' lives. We still have a long road of healing, bonding and trust ahead of us, but we know God will be faithful to complete the work he started in all 4 of us. As we navigate this new season, we want all of you to be a part of it, but we ask that you respect this special time in our lives, and continue to be sensitive to our needs as a family. Here are few things we'd like to share as we prepare to come home...

- Let us hibernate a little bit! Trust me, we want to see all of you too, but we know this adjustment will be HUGE and a bit traumatic for our boys, and we need to give them time to grieve and adjust. As wonderful as bringing them home will be, we are taking them away from everything they've ever known and everything that is familiar to them. So yes, they will need some time to grieve these losses, as difficult as they were. This season will be about bonding and building trust, so unless we give you the okay to stop by, please don't make any surprise visits! Additionally, we have many requirements we have to fulfill in the first 30 days we're home, so I know with the holidays slammed in there it will be a whirlwind. However, a phone call or e-mail asking to stop by is perfectly acceptable! Just don't be offended if we happen to say no that day :)

- If you happen to run into us when we're out and about, please refrain from holding our boys. High fives and fist bumps are okay, but we need them to feel safe with us in America first before we start passing them off to others :) Additionally, we ask that you not give out any food or toys as they still have a lot of learning to do in regards to possessions and respect. As we get settled this will change, but for now, a high-five will do! :)

- Please do not ask personal details of their background or their family information. That information is their story to tell, and Paul and I are just temporarily the guardians of that information. We want the boys to know that information first and then share it on their terms as they are older. I know so may of you are curious (and heck, I would be too!), but many of the details surrounding their past is painful to rehash for all of us, and it doesn't help our healing to continue to share it. Additionally, please don't ask about the nitty-gritty details or other adoption related stuff in front of the boys. While most of the time it wouldn't matter, they are both VERY observant and I don't want to talk about them in front of them. I'm happy to share the details of our journey with you, but let's do it over coffee rather than with the boys! Please and thank you!

- Give us grace. We are still learning to be a family...they are still learning to be brothers...and everything is going to require extra time. They still have so many wounds they are working through, and even though things may seem normal, we are far from it. We ask that you continue to pray for healing and restoration for all of us!

Thank you all so much for sticking by us in this difficult time and for all your words, prayers and support. I know I've said it a million times before, but seriously, you all have no idea how awesome you are to us. You've reminded us to keep persevering, and in the face of emotional and financial despair, you have all rallied on our behalf and given us the ability to put one foot in front of the other. Our hearts are full, and we are thankful for each one of you.  

Virginia, here we come!

Week 12...Remaining Faithful

Hi All,

This week will again be less detailed than usual. To be honest, I'm feeling a bit like a zombie these days, and Paul and I are doing everything we can to just get through. We are exhausted beyond belief, tired of being uncomfortable, and ready to have some help. I've also been sick again this week, which has made all of this infinitely harder than it needs to be. If I'm being transparent here, we are feeling alone, overwhelmed and frustrated. We hardly sleep at night for so many reasons beyond our control, the boys have been sleeping terribly as well which only adds to our stress, and with the uncertainty of our timeline to come home, everything just seems so difficult. 

The rain has been miserable, and we've found ourselves walking through ridiculous amounts of mud and rain just to make it to shelter or to make it back home. Since we have no other way to get around, we are normally soaked, dirty and spent by the time we reach our destination, and it definitely makes keeping our routine very difficult. It's made our time inside infinitely longer, which with 2 active toddlers, is not fun. We have also seemingly run out of things to do, so Paul and I are trying to embrace the day to day and just take it as it comes. Most days have been our usual morning routine of breakfast and getting all of us ready, before heading to the orphanage to check-in. Based on what news we get, we either work on tasks to send off to local offices, or head for a spot of coffee and take a breath. We haven't done anything fun or new or different over this week, and we're trying to be okay with that. Another family adopting from our orphanage arrived this week, so we have spent quite a bit of our time showing them the ropes. They definitely seem overwhelmed with the process and paperwork, so I have put together handouts and checklists for them to make it less daunting. We have also tried to find them room at our guesthouse, as I know our experience would have been so much worse without Alba's. It was nice to step out of myself again and be able to help this couple with their current needs. They have a long road ahead of them, but I'm confident God is with them. 

Tuesday was tough as Jon and Becca headed home without us, when we were all supposed to fly out together. As they were driving away in the car to the airport, Paul and I both stood outside on the concrete and sobbed. It was our way of grieving what their departure meant, and even more so, the loss of the hope we were holding onto to go home together. Not to mention J has been so out of sorts this week, and it has been challenging just trying to get him settled. He must have sensed the change in our demeanor and emotions, because the change in his behavior didn't start until Tuesday, which was when everything really set in for us. My heart has been downcast much of this week, and it's been hard to find the joy in the day to day. I know that sounds dramatic, and maybe it is, but when you're still riding the roller coaster you got on 3 months ago, it's simply the truth. I feel like I don't know what normal is anymore, because this time has changed so much so fast. We have been through a lot and have given so much of ourselves to our boys, and we are realizing that our hearts need refreshment. We need to be home. 

Our tempers are definitely short these days, and we find ourselves having to "take 10" often just to keep ourselves in check. We love our boys more than anything, but after 3 months of all day, everyday entertainment, with no help, and all the emotional and physical challenges surrounding it all, we are SPENT. Our tanks are empty and our patience is running thin, and it takes a lot of energy to just remain calm in the storm. The boys continue to test us with their behaviors, mainly to see how consistent we will be, but we are feeling the effects of it all, and are in need of a respite. I think while most people understand adoption is different, there really is no comparison to "normal" children growing up in America. Our boys have been through incredibly traumatic experiences, and even though they are just children, all of the garbage they've experienced is in them somewhere. As they get more comfortable with us...as they trust us more...all of this garbage comes out in different ways, at different times and often when you least expect it. Until us, they have never had anything truly consistent or loving in their lives, and even though they love being with us, it's clear how petrified they are that we will leave them. We never know what will trigger a tantrum or tears or a fear response, and as a parent it's really hard to not know what is going through your child's head or heart when they are in that state. We work hard to reassure them and comfort them constantly, even when their behavior doesn't warrant it, but in those awful moments, when we feel like it couldn't get any worse, that's when God steps in and reminds us that He is healing them little by little; but the depth of their wounds will take time to heal. The beautiful moments of the day when our boys say I love you or just come hug us for no reason, we are reminded of why we are doing this and why we said yes to this call on our lives. On the flip side, it doesn't make the day to day emotion of it all just go away, and Paul and I often need to talk through what's going on, so we can process it and move forward. I was talking to another adoptive mom this week and we were remarking on how "unnatural" adoption is. Not to say it's not beautiful and awesome and important, but it's simply not the norm. This conversation definitely put my mind at ease, because, let me tell you, it's not easy. None of this has been natural or easy. But just as much as it's been ugly and painful and frustrating, it's been beautiful and amazing and redemptive, for all of us. I've come to realize that what we do everyday is a calling. It's a decision we made to trust God's plan for our lives and take a leap of faith that He will take care of the rest. It's a way to be the hands and feet of Jesus in a more tangible way, and to care for these beautiful children that He loves WAY more than we ever could, and who He knew before they were even formed in the womb. He chose us as their parents long ago, and even though this has been the most challenging time of my whole life, I'm strengthened by God's faithfulness and goodness every time I look into my sweet boys' eyes. 

If this time has taught me anything, it's how little control we really have over our own lives, and how much this life is not our own and not for our own pleasure. God is using us for a GREATER purpose and it's not always easy, and it's not always how we want it, but we're exactly where He needs us. This season has given us no choice but to fully surrender and be 100% reliant upon Him, even when we thought we already were. He has humbled us in ways deeper than we knew possible. He is refining us, stripping us of anything and everything we think we can hold onto and making us more like Him. His kingdom is being furthered because we are working to remain faithful, and that's what makes this all worth it. 

Okay, now that all the mushy stuff is out of the way, let me give you our update. 

- One of L's relative was able to get her National ID that was ready, but she had not obtained it yet. Unfortunately her name was spelled completely wrong, and we were nervous the Embassy wouldn't accept it. So after 5 days of e-mails back and forth, they finally told us that it would be acceptable. PRAISE JESUS.

- The other one of L's relatives and J's relative had no ID and one had no birth certificate. So we have now obtained the birth certificate, applied for their passports and paid the legal expedite fee for 2 day completion.

- As of Saturday, WE HAVE THE PASSPORTS IN HAND (there are literally no words), and we are believing the Embassy will try to get us in quickly.  

- We have already sent an e-mail notifying them of our update, and will wait to hear their reply. Typically you have to wait 2 days from your interview date to pick up the visas, so we are still unsure as to when we will be able to come home, until we hear back from the Embassy. 

Again, we have no idea how this will all shake out, or what lies ahead, but we are putting our trust in God and remaining faithful in His promise to us. From the beginning of this journey our adoption mantra has been Hebrews 10:23, "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope WITHOUT WAVERING, for He who promised is faithful." That verse has been on the wall of our home for over a year now, and it has never felt as confirming as it does right now. We serve a mighty God, and we are excited to share with you the good news THIS week. 

Here's a few pics of our time with Jon and Becca. Thankfully Becca filled in as my photographer, because I hardly took any pictures! 

Our Guesthouse - Balidhabene 

The view from the balcony

Breakfast at Alba's

Our Daily Commute

Outside Central Market

  Downtown Jinja

 The Sailing Club with my BFF <3

Alba's Gelato

 Just my kids eating lunch with shirts on their heads...No big deal.

Jman wearing Paul's jeans 

Bedtime book reading with daddy

Thank you all for your continued love and support. We wouldn't still be standing without you. 

Love, love, love,

Week 11...Delayed :(

Hi All,

I am not really in the mood to blog this week, but I wanted to at least update you on what's going on. We can't thank you all enough for the outpouring of love, prayers, encouragement and financial support. In the midst of uncertainty we have felt so uplifted by your kindness, and we appreciate you more than we can say.

At this time we are still in a bit of limbo. Here's the information we have so far:

- One of L's relatives found out her national ID was ready for pick-up, however her first name is spelled wrong. So we have e-mailed the Embassy to see if this will still be a valid ID, but we have not heard back yet. If this isn't a viable option, we will plan to apply for her passport. All of this is hear-say as we have not physically seen her ID, but we are praying the Embassy will be flexible on this. 

- L's other relative applied last December but still doesn't have his ID. J's relative doesn't have a birth certificate or ID. We have already gotten the short birth certificate for J's relative, and are planning to apply for passports for both of them. We were told there is a legit expedite fee through the Directorate of Citizenship and Immigration Control that could get passports in 2 days. We don't know if this timeline is true or not, but it's worth a shot. We have already given our orphanage the money for the expedite fee and the Embassy confirmed that this was not a bribe. So at this time we are planning to move forward. Prayerfully, the applications will be submitted on Monday and then the wait begins. To give you some perspective, we paid a different legal expedite fee for the boys' passports and it still took over 2 weeks. We're praying it will be faster than this!

- We have also asked the Embassy about DNA testing. If the passports are taking too long, we may go this route to confirm relative status. The Embassy told us that this would have to be done through their approved medical clinic, and could still take "several weeks." We're going to keep this on the back burner.

We're praying God will guide our every step as we navigate this situation. We don't know what the next few weeks hold, but we are remaining hopeful and expectant despite the heartbreak we're feeling in not going home this week. We had only paid for rent through Sunday, November 1, but thankfully our land-lady doesn't have another renter lined up, so we will plan to stay where we are. We still need to figure our supplies and a few other things, but that's minor in comparison to figuring out how to get home!

Jon and Becca have been here this week which has been such an emotional help. At a time when we're feeling tired, weary and desperate for home, having your best friends here makes it a bit better. We are super sad to know they will be flying home without us on Tuesday, but we are trusting God to do the impossible, and we're believing to be home before Thanksgiving! 

We love you all and we ask you to continue standing by us during this time. This has been a very trying and difficult journey, but we know God is fighting for us and we have faith that He will see us through. 

L praying for a miracle.
This is right after we told him we wouldn't be going home to America this week. I told him we needed to pray for a miracle, and to ask God to get us home soon! The next time I came in the kitchen this is what he was doing. Bless. 

Love to you,

Prayers Needed

Our dear friends and family,

If you are a praying person, we ask that you please pray for us. It is with a heavy heart to let you know that we will not be coming home next week.

Our Embassy visit was postponed from Monday to Tuesday as one of the consulars was sick, yet thankfully they got us in the next day which is normally not the case. On Tuesday we made the trip to Kampala and went in for our Visa interview at 2:15. I spoke with consular for 45 minutes and he had no concerns regarding the boys' cases and essentially "cleared" Paul and I. The next step is having to interview the boys' biological family that are "releasing" them to us for adoption. For us this is 3 relatives...2 for L and 1 for J. When they went in to be interviewed (the last step before awarding us their Visas), we were told they could not be interviewed as they did not have the correct form of ID.

Long story short...for the last 10+ years the Embassy has been accepting residential village IDs for their interviewing family members. As of September 1, 2015 they changed this requirement to a Ugandan national ID (this includes a passport, a driver's license, a voter ID card or a National ID card), which has to be in laminated plastic card format. While this seems straight-forward, it's not. Very few Ugandans have passports and they take a while to get issued. Voter ID cards are almost non-existent and not actually needed to vote, so no one really has them. A driver's license requires 4 weeks of driving school and then another 3 months wait time (however unless you drive for your source of income, you don't get one). A Ugandan National ID card is the newest form of ID, and even extremely wealthy people/people in high-ranking government positions don't even have one. they are extremely difficult to get and I read a statistic last night that only 400 Ugandans have one (not sure how accurate this is now). Additionally, Uganda is in the middle of election season which means that every low level government task is essentially put on hold. This means no voter ID cards or national ID cards are being printed at this time. When I asked our lawyer for a time frame of when they MAY be printed, she estimated January. And that's best case scenario.

I knew in July that this change at the Embassy was going to be taken into effect and had e-mailed our orphanage director notifying her and inquiring on this. She sent me a reply e-mail back saying that they are always on top of the IDs for the family, and they never have a problem at the Embassy. Additionally, I checked again when I arrived in country and they seemed to brush it off like everything was handled. So I assumed it was. Sigh.

So after our Embassy appointment (where we were sent away without completing the interview), I called everyone involved in our case, who all declined that they knew anything about this. When I reminded our director that I had sent her an e-mail in July stating this, she basically denied that this was the case and did not remember my notification. Once I had this conversation with her, I knew this was bad. So I sat outside the U.S. Embassy and sobbed. And sobbed. And sobbed. I was grieving the loss of all the hope and stamina I had mustered to make it home, and Paul and I just stared at each other in pure disbelief. I called my parents and asked them to pray through my sobs, and then composed myself enough to call our director back. She told us to go first to the lawyer's office to debrief and allow them to question the family (they speak Luganda and only a little English), and then come back to Jinja to speak with the in-country director, William, in person. So we go to the lawyers office and explain what's going on. She questions the family and we find out that L's side had applied for their national IDs in December 2014 and has yet to received them, but J's side had not applied at all. When she told me this I literally wanted to throw-up. They've been waiting 11 months and STILL don't have them?! So I kindly ask her what this means and what the heck do we do?! We talk through a few things (I'll discuss later), then we get in the car and drive back to Jinja. Paul and I were distraught. We were trying to speak life, hope and joy out of our mouths even though we wanted to blow a gasket, but we virtually rode home in silence while trying to contain our 2 super cranky boys who hadn't napped or eaten all day (you're not allowed to bring food into the Embassy).

So here's all the information we've gathered over the last 24 hours...after hours of talking to the lawyer, to William, to the director in California (Mandy), to other adoptive families who have gone through this...

- We can try to find the receipt of application for L's family and then have them sign affidavits stating when they applied and how long they've been waiting and see if the Embassy would accept this with the residential village ID.

- J's family hasn't applied at all and doesn't have a birth certificate. So we are going to 1) apply for his birth certificate and then see if we can get him to apply for a passport which take at a minimum 3 weeks, but probably more like 4-6.

- Other adoptive families have paid a bribe to the passport office to get the families passport's "expedited". Which really means someone forces it through and then pockets your money. We WILL NOT do this. We will not add to the corruption of this country. We've prided ourselves on completing an ethical adoption, and we won't change that now. However, there hasn't been a family I spoke with to go through (since the Sept. 1 change) that didn't do this. Sigh.

- We have contacted our local congressman to see if his office will petition the U.S. Embassy on our behalf, as this change to the national ID is such a ridiculous exception. To put it in perspective, even the former attorney general doesn't have one. We are asking them to make an exception and interview our family members since they have applied for their national ID, but just don't have the IDs in hand yet.

- The director Mandy is also petitioning the State Department to intervene.

- I have also e-mailed the Embassy explaining the severity of this change to the National ID, and frankly told them that if they expect Americans to add to the corruption by paying bribes to get this done, then I will not do that. We'll see what they come back with...

At this point, we have no idea how long this will take. We have no idea when we will come home. We don't know what the next steps are. We are here indefinitely until this gets resolved OR the Embassy gives us a pardon and agrees to interview the family members. We are running through all the options, but in all honestly we're scared. We are almost out of everything we brought, as we planned for 3 months, and have no real way to get things here without them getting lost or pilfered through. We KNOW God can perform a miracle. We KNOW He can do the impossible. We are expecting Him to intervene on our behalf. But we are also trying to be realistic as we are in a 3rd world country with minimal resources.

Here are a few of our personal scenarios...

1) Paul comes home to work and I stay behind with both boys. I'm crying thinking about this.

2) If L's family can get their IDs soon, maybe Paul will come home with L and I will stay behind with J until his family can get their passports.

3) We both stay here, and find someone to rent our house/fundraise some more to help cover the extra costs.

4) God performs a HUGE miracle for us and we ALL come home ASAP.

I'm not quite sure I have the words to express how we're feeling, but we are working hard to remain hopeful and expectant, and trying not to let the boys feel our anxiousness. Needless to say we are tired and weary and just want to be home. We were excited to be home before the holidays, but unless God intervenes, I don't think that will be the case.

Please pray. Please stand by us. Please send us encouragement. We need it. Every day is still a challenge. Every day is a mental battle. And now we're feeling the extra weight on our shoulders. We want to keep our family together, but at this point we don't know how realistic this is financially.

We covet your prayers. Thank you for standing by us.

Week 10...Embassy and Adjustments

I'm not gonna lie, we are TIRED this week. So incredibly tired. I wanted to put that as the post title, but I realized I already did that for week 6 :) But for real, this week takes the cake in regards to fatigue. We are heavy into the rainy season here, and while it hasn't been terrible, it's definitely been muddy! Since we walk everywhere with the boys, we are constantly covered in mud and often just walking in the rain for long periods of time. Thankfully, the boys seem to be content, but it's definitely been an adventure! 

This week we completed our first of three visits to the Embassy, and will be going back again on Monday for our second visit. Overall things went well, but I am not getting my hopes up until my tush is sitting on that plane! We've had so many emotions running through our hearts this week; excitement to come home, nervousness at the boys' transition, sadness to leave this country and the beautiful Ugandans who have become our friends, frustration at the lack of service we will be able to provide these people from across the world, and fear of all the unknown variables to come! We've been diligently seeking God in all of these things, and trusting Him to guide us home. We feel going back home will be amazing and wonderful, but also mundane, as our hearts have been broken for this country, and I can't imagine going home to my cushy lifestyle and forgetting all the things God laid on my heart while I was here. Paul and I have both agreed that this is just the beginning of something bigger. What does bigger mean? We have no clue yet, but we know God has given us both the same desire and calling, and we are trusting God to reveal His plan to us as we continue to serve Him. 

Monday this week was a pretty normal day, however my amazing husband took the boys for breakfast so I could get a little sleep. It was SO NICE to have an extra hour in the morning, and I was so grateful for his consideration of me. When I woke up, I had gotten an e-mail from the US Embassy asking if I was able to make our document check that was scheduled for THIS morning. Umm, what?! We never received an e-mail from them after completing medicals last week, and I was a bit frustrated at the whole situation. Regardless, there was no way to make it in that day as we live so far away, so we re-scheduled it for Thursday at 9am (they only do doc checks on Mondays and Thursdays). Praise Jesus. All my boys got home around 10:00 or so, and they were SO excited to see me which seriously made me melt. We stayed in most of the morning, letting the boys run around and play, then made lunch a little after noon. After lunch we got them cleaned up and ready for nap. They both went down fairly easy, and we were so pleased at the progress we've made with them since we had them that first week! They both slept well, and Paul and I were able to get some things done while they rested. In the afternoon, we did snack, then headed into town for some errands. We stopped at the orphanage to pick up the boys' files so we could review them for the Embassy. We also chatted with the director regarding the next couple weeks, and tried to get a better understanding of their needs as well as ours. From there we went to the bank to exchange some money, then headed back downtown for an early dinner. The boys did SO well at the restaurant, and it was by far the best day we've had with J to date. Paul and I were so happy, and we were praying consistently that it was a true change and not just a fluke! :) After dinner we headed home, gave them their bath, then we watch part of a movie as a family while we munched on some popcorn. We put the boys to bed together, but it took them a little longer to fall asleep. At 9:30pm, I headed out with our landlady, Alba, and the other 2 moms to go to an Indian festival here in town. None of us really wanted to go as we were all pretty tired, but Alba insisted, so we all packed into her tiny Fiat Panda and headed to the festival. When we arrived we were definitely the only muzungus around, and us Americans felt like we were crashing a sacred event. Alba knew a few of the people there, so it was nice to see them greet her, but it was a bit of an awkward time :) After we looked around, we found some chairs in the back of the stage area and settled in. Soon music began and people began to fill the dance floor little by little as the music went on. They were walking in a circle around an alter doing a specific pattern of steps. Alba informed us that this was the way they began their prayers, and 45 minutes later they were all still going strong! We watched them finish their prayers then snuck out around 10:45. It was very interesting to see a different religion worship, but the whole time I was thanking God for how great He is. I couldn't imagine not having a personal relationship with God, and my heart was overwhelmed with thankfulness while I watched. Overall, it was such a good day and Paul and I were feeling beyond blessed at the progression we've seen in all of us. God is good.

J wearing Paul's hat at the restaurant

Water Bottle! They both LOVE water bottles!

L enjoying his...it's the little things in life :)

Indian Festival with Alba

Unfortunately on Tuesday the good behavior did not continue, in fact, it felt like we took a step back. Throughout the day we were at a bit of a loss for what to do, and we were definitely feeling the weight on our shoulders. The day started off as usual...getting the boys up, making breakfast, eating breakfast, getting the boys ready, us getting ready. However this morning was a continual battle with both of them, and it was almost as if they were consistently choosing to disobey us at every turn. It was only 9:30am and we were pretty frustrated. J spent most of that time being disciplined, but to be honest, L was also being difficult. At 10:30, we went our on usual walk/coffee/errands, and J freaked out because he wanted to go in the stroller and not be carried. We literally spent the next 30 minutes with J consistently sitting in the dirt on the side of the road, while he sulked and showed us how angry he was with us. We let him sit there until he chose to get up and listen, however after the 3rd tantrum, we simply picked him up, put him on Paul's back and let him scream/cry it out while we walked. About 10 minutes later, he FINALLY snapped out of is funk and was mostly back to his normal self. We were feeling so spent. When we got to the coffee place, it was still a consistent battle to get them to listen, and J had 2 more time-ins with me before he seemed to understand we meant business. Since he was being so fussy, Paul continues to carry him on his back so we could keep him contained a bit more. From there we split up to get some things done. Paul and J headed to the local market for fruit and eggs, and I took L with me to the copy place to make all the files we needed for the Embassy and the airport. Thankfully J did really well with Paul on their walk and seemed to be content by the time they met up with us at the copy store. It was clear these files were going to take FOREVER, so Paul took both boys to finish one more errand before heading home. Unfortunately, the boys went back into their funk as Paul walked them home, and continued to disobey Paul time and time again. Even lunch was such a debacle, and Paul was definitely getting very frustrated. He disciplined them multiple times between their lunch and nap, and finally made them just lay down and go to sleep. Thankfully they listened and both went down fairly well. Poor Paul was on the struggle bus. I on the other hand spent over 3 hours at the copy store trying to get everything done, and while the man helping me was very nice he was SLOW AS MOLASSES. OMG. I literally offered on multiple occasions to help him, but he said he couldn't let me. Additionally, doesn't your copier have a collate button? If not, I bet I could show you where to find it! It was frustrating to know that I could've done it myself in a quarter of the time, but then again, I'm learning to be patient! I got home around 2:30pm, and Paul and I made lunch and ate together. The boys slept poorly for their nap, and were up multiple times for no reason. We made them stay in bed and rest until 3:30 or so, and we were scared for what the afternoon might hold. I gave the boys snack once they were up, and then we headed outside to play as Paul had a work call at 4:30. The boys thankfully did pretty well with just me, and I was enjoying a reprieve in the bad behavior. Paul was done with his call a little before 6, and then hopped on a Boda to go get us dinner. Since the boys were so bad this morning, I was not risking going out, so Paul got food and brought it home for us to have at our place. The boys ate ok, but took forever to finish their food, and it was still a lot of redirection to stop playing and start eating! We struggled through bath, took them out early for disobeying, got them ready for bed and put them down at 7:45. At 9:00 they were still awake, but were finally out by 9:20. Good grief, Charlie Brown. Once they were in bed, Paul worked and I spent over an hour sorting through all the copies I had made that morning, then began putting the files together for the Embassy and the airport. It was so tedious trying to sort through over 350 pages, but I finally finished and was happy with how things looked. At 9:30 Paul and I got some ice cream from Alba and it was much needed. I also could've used a martini or two, but I guess I'll have to wait until I get home! After that I had gotten a call from one of the other moms who just needed to talk, so Paul continued to work and I headed over to her place to see what was up. I let her talk and vent for the next hour or so, then headed back to my place around 10:45, before I showered, journaled and crashed. Thank God Tuesday was OVER.

L wearing his "glasses"

Of course J follows suit!

Wednesday started off rough, but got better as the day went on. The boys slept until about 7am (A BIG RECORD!), and Paul and I were PUMPED. Yay for sleep! We were able to keep the boys quietly playing in bed until 8am, and we were both beyond happy to have a little extra time. Once the boys were up, we made breakfast, then got them ready for the day. J was still having a rough time this morning though, so most of it was spent in a time-in with Paul. Once he finally settled down, we got our things together and headed downtown. We carried both boys today to minimize the meltdowns, and they were both fairly content on our walk. The boys did great at the coffee shop while they ate their snack, and Paul and I were actually able to talk/plan out our day. After coffee, we took the boys to get their passport photos taken (we need them for the airport security file), and also had pictures printed of the boys to give to their biological families. At that point it was almost noon, so we walked back home to make lunch. The boys ate well and were behaving, until J decided to drop a glass plate on the floor (on purpose), and it shattered everywhere. Needless to say, Paul and I were SO FRUSTRATED, and J didn't get to finish his lunch as he spent the next 25 minutes crying. While Paul held J, I cleaned up all the glass, while L finished his lunch. Paul and I switched boys for nap, and he took L, who fell asleep right away. J on the other hand was fighting me tooth and nail and after he started to get more aggressive, I left the room because I could feel my blood starting to boil. Paul finally got J to sleep 20+ minutes later, and I spent that time sitting on the bathroom floor crying it out. I was just beyond spent with the last couple days, and as a human, you can only be so patient for so long before you need a break. Well that was today. Once Paul came out, I needed 15 more minutes to compose myself, then came out to make lunch for us. Paul and I took this time to share how we were doing and talked through our frustrations, which definitely helped a lot. These conversations are happening less and less due to Paul's work schedule and the needs of the boys, but we are trying to make more of an effort to do this daily, as it is much needed for our sanity! It was pouring rain toward the end of their nap, so once they were up, we did snack and stayed inside until the rain subsided. At 4:30, I started getting the boys ready for photo shoot round 2, as we had gotten rained out the week before. I was a bit nervous that would happen again, but thankfully the sun came back out, and we met up with the photographer around 5:30. The boys looked so "smart" in their little outfits, and overall did well with listening while we took pictures. At 6:15 we headed back home, changed, and met up with a bunch of local missionaries at our guest house for dinner. I had met all of them last week when I did the Sole Hope jigger clinic, and when I told them how well Alba cooked, they wanted to come to dinner. So I arranged the dinner and 18 of us all ate together on Alba's patio. A couple of the women there had been through adoptions, so it was comforting to hear their stories and get their advice. It was definitely a wonderful time of conversation and sharing, and it was even better that we didn't have to walk anywhere! At 8:15, Paul took the boys inside and got them ready for bed. I came in, said prayers, kissed them goodnight, then headed back out to the dinner while Paul stayed in to work. Everyone left around 9:15, and it was really a wonderful evening unlike any I've had here to date. A bit of refreshing with people is always so nice. Once I came in, I spent the next 30 minutes going over all of our paperwork for the Embassy, and triple checked that I had everything on the list. Things seemed to be in order, so I showered, journaled and headed to bed, while Paul worked. Big day tomorrow!

J listening to music 

Sleeping in totally opposite positions then when they started...How does that happen?

Camera fun with L while J was still asleep

Thursday morning came WAY TOO EARLY. We were both a bit nervous about the Embassy appointment the night before, so we didn't end up falling sleep until about midnight. Not to mention L fell out of bed twice, which as a parent sleeping in the same room, definitely jolts you into complete alertness. We probably slept for a total for 2-3 hours, and when my alarm went off at 4am, I was on the strug. I got up and got myself ready, got snacks together and then got the boys clothes out. At 5:00, I woke them up, much to their dismay, and we got them dressed and ready. At 5:15 it was a complete downpour outside, and of course the power went out soon after it started. So we are trying to finish getting everything packed and ready in the pitch black, and the rain is so loud we can hardly talk without yelling. Additionally, we had our window open from the night before so as I walk into the bedroom to grab my purse, I step in a HUGE pile of water that is flooding in from across the room due to the rain. AHHHHH! So we give the boys a flashlight and tell them to wait by the door...I grab a towel and start blocking the water while Paul closes the window...we pat dry the floor to get most of the water up...we put our backpacks on with our rain coats over top...we each pick up a boy...I lock the door and we quickly walk/run to the car that's waiting outside the gate. By the time we get in the car, we are soaked, but I was just grateful to be in the car! The initial drive was really bad, and I was just praying in the back seat for safety. I don't know how our driver was seeing anything, but thankfully the rain started to calm down about 20 minutes in and then finally stopped. The drive to Kampala was pretty uneventful as the boys were still a bit tired from the early morning. We arrived at the Embassy around 8:30 (for our 9:00 appointment! Yay for being early!), went through security, and headed up to the consular section. We checked in and then waited for about 15 minutes before our names were called. I assumed we would be meeting in a conference room or small office to go through the 20 lbs. of paperwork I had with me (no joke. it was literally 20 lbs), but unfortunately we walked into a room that was about 5x5 with a high counter and a bullet proof glass window. Is this really necessary? We then had to talk through a speaker to the lady on the other side and passed our paperwork through a slot at the bottom of the window. It was so impersonal and off-putting to me, especially with the amount of sensitive information and discussion that needed to be addressed, but just like everything else with this process, you just press on. Once I got my bearings, we got the boys settled under the high counter, and I began to get the paperwork out and organized. We spent the next HOUR going through their files, a brief history of their pasts, how they ended up in the orphanage, reviewing the endless forms I had filled out and signed, going through original documents, going through their orphanage files, going through court records and giving them an understanding of our timeline and when we came into the picture. I was pretty nervous the whole time, but overall kept my cool, and felt I was able to give her all the answers she needed. The worst part was the 2 toddlers "swimming" all around my feet and constantly yelling, "Mommy you see!!" as loud as they could while I'm trying to talk through a speaker and bullet-proof glass :) Once we finished the paperwork, she asked me to sit and wait until they reviewed everything and she would call me back in. I heard it normally doesn't take very long, but we waited over an hour before our name was called again. This made me VERY nervous, and I was constantly praying the entire wait. Thankfully, there was a courtyard outside the consular section, so Paul took the boys out there and let them run around a bit. There were a handful of other children there as well, so they were all enjoying each other's company. Once I was called back in, she asked me to correct a couple things on one of the forms, but said otherwise they didn't see any concerns. THANK YOU JESUS! She then let me know that our Visa interview was scheduled for Monday, October 26th at 2pm, and asked for our payment for their visas and one of the other forms. $1,400 later (gulp.) we were out of there and feeling SO much relief. We headed back down to our driver's car only to find him MIA again. Seriously though. You would think he learned his lesson, but no. So we are literally sitting in a large gutter on the side of a super busy highway, below the level of the road waiting for him. Paul called him after a couple minutes, and he informed us he was just around the corner and would be back soon. 30 minutes later he rolls up letting us know that he was getting his hair cut, and he had just sat down right when we called him. We had been in the Embassy for 3 hours...he couldn't have gone right when we left?! I just don't understand sometimes. When he got back, I tried to be gracious, but we were planning to meet a Ugandan friend, Steven, for lunch in Kampala and Steven had been waiting for us for 45 minutes! Anyway, we finally get in the car and start driving and after going to the wrong mall first, we finally arrive at the correct mall at 12:45. We met up with Steven for lunch at Cafe Java and despite the boys being exhausted, we had a great time. He was very kind and has been extremely helpful to us throughout our time here, so it was a pleasure to meet him and treat him to a nicer meal. At 2:00, we loaded back into the car and began the drive home to Jinja. The boys were spent, and once we started actually moving out of traffic, we got them to rest. L slept for an hour, but J only lasted 20 minutes for his nap. He was mostly content the rest of the ride, but I was still frustrated at his stubbornness to sleep. We got home around 4:30, unloaded all of our stuff, and almost immediately went back out for coffee :) Paul and I were dragging, but we wanted to get some fresh air as we'd been in the car most of the day. Unfortunately my back had been hurting me quite a bit this week, and carrying the paperwork around the Embassy all day didn't help. So Paul carried J downtown, and I had L walk next to me as I was in too much pain to carry him on my back. It was nice to sit outside while we got some caffeine, but the boys were definitely getting antsy, so we headed back home. Once we were cleaned up a bit, I heated up left-overs for the boys for dinner and Paul and I ate some chipati for dinner. At 7:00 we gave the boys their bath, got them ready for bed and laid them down around 7:45. They were exhausted and thankfully were sound asleep by 8:00. Once they were down, Paul went to work and I caught up on some e-mails and re-organized the paperwork from our Embassy visit. I couldn't wait to get in bed, and thankfully I fell asleep very quickly. Paul and I felt like we hardly had any time to celebrate our successful Embassy visit, but are hoping we'll find some time in the next week to enjoy a little treat :)

Thursday night I again slept pretty terribly and when I woke up on Friday morning I was a GRUMP. This was the first time I wanted to be totally selfish, and I was feeling so emotionally and physically spent. Once I was awake, I made us all breakfast and we sat down and ate together. The boys were a bit wired, but overall doing well. Friday is our guest house cleaning day, so once the boys were dressed and ready we let them play while we did our weekly sheet/towel change-out and took out the garbage. A little after 10, we headed out for the morning, and since my back was still bothering me, I had the boys walk next to me as we started out. Paul had taken a Boda to go drop off our bajillion loads of laundry to get done, so I had both boys with me alone. This normally isn't a big deal, but the roads are and have been SUPER muddy from all the rain, and as soon as I saw all the puddles I knew I was in trouble. For me it wasn't as much about the mud, but more about the fact that it is very slippery and there are constantly cars and bodas zooming down the road. So we start walking down the dirt road, and the boys are not listening to me. They are running around and not paying attention, and the fear in me took over. Soon after I'm telling them to get to the side of the road, L jumps in a  puddle just as J kneels in a mud pile and let's just say, I lost my cool. I picked them both up by the arms and took them to the side of the road. After a long period of yelling, I think they got the picture, and I made them sit there until Paul met up with us again. Not only were they covered in mud, but I was covered in mud, and it took all my energy to not go ballistic on them. When Paul came back he could tell I was angry. I made him carry J on his back, and I took L by the hand as we walked into town. We started the morning at the coffee shop (go figure, right?) and I was still fuming. I really had to choose to let myself calm down, and by the time we were paying, I was more myself. Once we left, we headed again to the stores on main street and bought some gifts for people at home. It was a bit longer than we anticipated, but I was glad to check a few more things off the list. Once we got home we did our usual, lunch and nap, and thankfully the boys fell asleep pretty easily. Paul and I then ate a quick lunch together before I headed off to Ekisa Ministries to check our their facility. Ekisa is an organization that has full-time residential treatment for children with physical and intellectual disabilities (most of the children have both), and they also have community outreach programs to help families learn how to care for their children, as well as get on their feet financially. It is a pretty incredible program, and I was inspired by their vision. I had intended to volunteer with Ekisa during my time here, but it just never seemed to work out as the volunteer coordinator was very slow in getting back me. Regardless, I still wanted to see what they were all about so I hopped on a Boda and headed out. I spent the next hour or so talking with the staff and meeting the children. Their house is very well equipped overall, but they are definitely tight on space which makes it difficult. Additionally, they only have 2 physical therapists working with SO MANY children, and I could tell they were a bit overwhelmed. There is currently a PT from the states volunteering at Ekisa, so it was really nice to chat with her and hear her thoughts on their rehab needs. It was very helpful for me to see how I could tangibly assist them in the future, and I hope to be able to use my resources as a PT to help them get what they need. I got back home around 4:15, and gave the boys their snack while Paul hopped on a call for work. He was done around 5:30, but it was still raining so we had to stay inside most of the afternoon. Thankfully I had thought to blow up a beach ball I had brought with us for the pool, and I let the boys kick/throw it around the room, knowing it wouldn't break anything. They had a blast and I was thankful they were entertained for a while without me needing to be the center of attention! At 5:45 we headed back downtown for dinner, and walked mostly in the rain the entire way. The best part though was seeing the beautiful rainbow spanning the city of Jinja, and I really felt like it was God's way of telling me He was there. On a day where I was feeling ornery, tired, overwhelmed and frustrated, God reminded me of His promise to me and my family, and I once again felt empowered to press on. Dinner was good overall, but it continued to rain, and after waiting it out a bit, we knew we had to bite the bullet and just walk home. I was nervous to let L walk, so I carried him on my back which wasn't such a great idea. I was definitely feeling the pain with each step, but it was pitch black outside, raining and muddy everywhere, and I wanted to keep us all safe. We finally made it home, and I got the boys immediately into the bath, while Paul hopped on a Boda and headed back to the orphanage to get our laundry. We did a quick bath since it was so late, and poor little J hit his head on the side of the tub pretty hard, so he didn't want to stay in much longer anyway. We dried them off, got them ready for bed, read, prayed and tucked them in around 8:30. They were a bit restless since we didn't really have a ton of time for them to play after our walk home, but they were asleep a bit after 9, and I was happy to be at the end of the day :) I knew I had to go to bed early, so I spent a little time catching up on adoption correspondence, then showered and hopped in bed around 11. Showering here is such an ordeal, so I'm excited to take my first real, hot shower once I'm home. It will be glorious. I was so thankful for Paul today as he continued to be positive and helpful despite my grumpy attitude. When I am upset he always rallies for me, and I couldn't be more blessed to have him by my side. 

Ekisa Residential House and Offices

Physical Therapy Room

Rainbow on our walk into town

Rainbow over our guest house 

PJs inside because of all the rain!

Beach Ball Fun...He's had shorts on his head a lot this week...I got nothin'

On Saturday, the boys were up at 6:15 and Paul eventually got up with them around 7. He took them outside to play for a bit (unbeknownst to me as I was PASSED OUT), and when I woke up at 8 the room was silent and I was beyond thankful. I'm serious though. He's the best. I got up around 8:15 and laid with the boys in their bed for a few before we all got up. We made breakfast then all sat down to eat together. The boys gobbled up their eggs and then we all got dressed and ready for the day. I borrowed a single stroller from one of the other moms for the morning as my back was pretty sore, and we headed downtown for coffee and snack. I also wanted to check out Heal Ministries again to say hello to a few of their interns I've come to know and take a peak at their jewelry. On our walk there it OF COURSE started to rain, and we OF COURSE were unequipped with rain jackets or an umbrella. It was our own fault, but we were so far from home anyway so we just powered through. When we got there most of the kids were inside, but I was able to go upstairs and take a look at the goods and chat with a couple of the interns. At 12:35 we started the walk back home and it rained the whole way! We were pretty drenched by the time we arrived home, but worse than that was how muddy we were! We were covered all over our clothes and our feet were caked! We left our shoes outside to let the rain clean then, washed up then made lunch for the boys. Thankfully they LOVE peanut butter (I mean for real though, who doesn't?), and I've been sneaking their parasite cleanse into their sandwiches every day at lunch. WINNING. They still ask for PB every day for lunch, so it's been a bit of a no brainer. After lunch we got them ready for nap, and they both went down really quickly. Paul was feeling pretty tired, so he laid down and took a nap and I of course worked on the blog :) The boys slept until 3:30 and once they were up we played a little bit before having snack. It was continuing to rain so unfortunately we were stuck inside all afternoon. At 5:45 Paul and I were going a bit stir crazy, so we loaded up the boys and headed downtown to grab some pasta to make for dinner. The walk there was fine, but my back was really bothering me, and on the walk back I couldn't carry J anymore. I was in a good amount of pain, so while I tried to just get home, Paul carried both boys LIKE A BOSS. We got home around 6:30, I made some pasta and we all ate together. We then got the boys in the bath and since they were being so good, we let them watch a movie and eat some popcorn. They were so content for the first time and it reminded me of how much progress they've made in just a few short weeks. The boys were asleep by 8:30, and Paul and I shared a gelato while we chatted about the day. In the evening, Paul worked and I got things cleaned up and then showered and headed to bed. It was so nice to finally feel clean at the end of the day, although I know tomorrow the mud starts all over again!

Carrying my little Yankee fan down our dirt road

Paul carrying both boys. Superdad!

Movie time!

Sunday we were up and at 'em, but the boys thankfully played quietly until 7:45. Paul and I got up together and made ourselves some tea while the boys played. We then made some oatmeal for breakfast (which the boys initially hated, but now love!), and we ate together as a family. After breakfast I cleaned up and got ready for the day, then got the boys dressed and ready. We needed to get some things for the week, but my back was still bothering me, so we decided to split up. I stayed home with J and let him play, while Paul took L to the market. Since it's been raining so much, we blew up a bunch of pool toys and floaties to let the boys play with. Well this morning they were a HIT and both boys were running around the house with floaties on their arms and legs and tubes around their waist! Soon after they started using the tube as a "machine" (i.e. a weed whacker) and J could've played "machine" all day long :) Around 11:00, J and I headed outside to play with the other kids (since it wasn't raining!), although he really just wanted to stay with me. So while he sat in between my legs playing with his "motorcar", I chatted with the other moms. Around noon, J and I came in and I made us lunch. Paul and L returned soon after and we sat and ate together while we caught up on our mornings. At 1:00, I headed out to the Kakira Sugar Factory with Alba and Lindsey for lunch and a tour of the area (Alba's treat). So Paul stayed with the boys and got them down for nap, while I went out "galavanting" (as my grandma Seby would say) with the girls. Alba is 75 and shorter than me, Lindsey is 6 feet tall and super skinny, and then there was me, so it was a pretty funny sight to behold. We headed outside Jinja to the town of Kakira and entered the factory gates. It is really more like a little city inside, and Alba was able to tell us the ins and outs of the whole place! We finally ended up at this little white guest house deep inside the gates, and we headed inside to eat. We sat outside on the patio, which was a little oasis, and it was a beautiful sunny day, which made it all the more better. The down side was that the only food they had was an Indian buffet, and if you know me well, you know that I don't like Indian food and I HATE buffets. Sooo, seeing as this was Alba's treat, I filled most of my plate up, scarfed down what I could and smiled the whole way through! I'm not gonna lie, it was rough, but I was SO happy when the waitress took away my plate. On top of it, the only cake they had was a coconut tart, and once again, I really dislike coconut dessert, BUT I persevered and ate what I could before we finally paid and headed out. Once we left, Alba took us to the Jinja Nile Resort which is a beautiful little place tucked away in the jungle over-looking the river. It was absolutely beautiful and I wish I could've bottled the view because it was exquisite. At 4:00 I got back home, and L was already up with Paul. J was still sound asleep, so I went in there and woke him up, mainly so I could get the post-nap snuggles! From there we did snack, then got our shoes on and walked downtown to the orphanage. Paul and I had been wanting to take some pictures of the whole place and the kiddos, so we brought our nice camera and stayed for about 45 minutes until we got what we needed. Both J and L did NOT want to be there, and J almost refused to get out of the carrier as we walked through the gate. We finally convinced him to get down, but as Paul took pictures with L, J clung to my shirt the entire time, never letting go. It was hard to be there and see all the kids waiting for families...all the kids who just want a moment of your attention....and all the kids who have no one to love them...all the while my boys not wanting me to share a moment of my time or affection with anyone else. Overall, I feel it was a good lesson for J and L to see that we are theirs, despite all the other children who want our attention, and I was constantly reassuring J that we were not leaving him. Talk about tough. At 5:45 we headed out and I could see the visible change in J's posture and demeanor as we walked through the gate to leave. Just a couple minutes into our walk home, they both perked right back up and it was once again such an affirmation to all we've been doing. We got home around 6:15 and I made pasta again for dinner. The boys were being a bit testy tonight, but they are understanding more and more that their actions have consequences, and after we reminded them of this, they did much better. After dinner, I cleaned up the kitchen, then bath and bed. While today was a good day, I felt like I didn't get a chance to breathe as I was out with Alba during my normal mid-day "break". When I finally sat down around 9pm, I was relieved, although I still have to review their files for the Embassy before I can get ready for bed. All I can say is another week in the books, and maybe our last one! AHH!!

Alone time with J means super strong kisses!

Trying to share their pool toys :)

Kakira Sugar Factory

The view from Jinja Nile Resort...No filter

Walking to the orphanage

This upcoming week is exciting for so many reasons, and I'm trying not to get my hopes up until it's all said and done. On Monday, we are headed to the Embassy for the boys' Visa interviews, which includes some of their biological family. I am pretty nervous for this, mainly because I don't know what to expect, but I'm praying God will give me the right words to say. After we are interviewed, their biological family will be interviewed, to ensure they understand the permanence of adoption and what it all means. So if you're up at 7am EST, please say a prayer for us as we will be just starting our interviews! If all goes well, we **SHOULD** be able to pick up their Visas on Wednesday. Please Jesus! We are believing for everything to fall into place with no unexpected surprises...we are also praying that the boys will be peaceful during this time, as I know Paul and I will be nervous and it won't help to have the boys going crazy as well! This has been such a long-time coming, and I know I will feel a HUGE sigh of relief when we finally get in the car to come back to Jinja. Please be praying!

Additionally this week, Jon and Becca are coming, our best friends in the whole wide world!!!! I CAN'T wait to give Becca a great, big hug and just enjoy some familiarity of home. If all goes well, Jon and Becca will be flying home with us on Tuesday, November 3 to arrive back in Dulles on November 4. Eeek! We seriously couldn't ask for anyone better to fly home with us, and it will be such a relief to have some help during a situation that could be super stressful. We are beyond grateful to have them as friends, and we are SO excited to finally share our boys with them as well as the beautiful town of Jinja!

Once we get home, there is still a lot to get done to finalize their adoption and, unfortunately, comes at a bad time with the holidays right around the corner. Paul and I are trying to figure out how everything will fall into place, but we are trusting God to provide financially, emotionally and spiritually, in so many ways, and all we can do is have faith that He WILL provide what we need. This has been such a whirlwind for us, and we know coming home will be no different. We are, however, SO excited to finally come home and settle in as a family of four. Please continue to pray for the transition for all four of us, for safety in traveling home, for no issues with immigration, for Paul and I to be compassionate and patient during this emotionally charged time for all of us, and for God to provide all we need to be able to fully pay the expenses we will be incurring over the next year. 

Our hearts are forever grateful to you all, and we can't wait to see you on American soil soon!