Loot!

Hi All,

I am just getting around to this now, although I've had these items for quite some time...some of them before we even left for Uganda!

I know you're probably sick of my fundraisers, and to be honest, I am too! However, I wouldn't necessarily think of this as a fundraiser, but more that I have a whole lot of beautiful Ugandan items to sell! At this point we plan to use the sale of these items towards medical bills. We've already paid over $2,000 for medical expenses since coming home in November and none of that includes Jordan's surgeries or his current OT or Speech services. Again, this is not a sob story, but I figured since I had the items, I may as well try to sell them to all of you beautiful people who have supported us through this!

Below are a mix of shoes, jewelry, bags, and wallets all made by women in Uganda. Some I met and loved on during our time there and others I never knew, but I still pray over their pictures attached to their beautiful handiwork. Paul and I bought all of these goods up front as a way to financially support these amazing women and contribute to Uganda's local economy. All of the items listed are handmade and unique to Uganda. If we could've done more for these people we would have, but in the meantime we will continue to support them in whatever way we can! So take in all the colors and fabrics and beauty, and I hope you love them as much as I do!

Prices are below! If you're interested in something or need more info, feel free to e-mail me! If you want to move ahead to purchase something, e-mail me and we can go from there. We will take check or Paypal as payment. No pressure. Seriously. But Happy Shopping! :)

Pricing:

- All Beaded Sandals: $25

- All Children's Sandals: $12

- Fabric Sarong: $10

- All Earrings: $8

- All Bracelets: $10

- All Paper Bead Necklaces: $12

- Men's Leather Wallets: $12

- Women's Coconut Bead Wristlet: $12

- Tukula Zipper Pouches: $15

- Tukula Sling Bags: $20

- Beaded Tukula Bag: $25

- Tukula Large Tote Bag: $25

- Fabric Purse: $20

Size 11-12 (Size 43 European) Orange Beaded Sandals

Children's Brown Leather Sandals (Sizes 11, 11.5, 12/12.5 and 2.5/3 available)

Fabric Sarong

Earrings: Porcupine Quills on top with Paper Beads on the bottom 

 Expandable Wrap Paper Bead Bracelets (1 multi-color, 2 blue, 1 red, 1 white available)

Hand Beaded Snap Bracelet (Only this one available)

Black and Orange Paper Bead Necklace: Collarbone Length or Longer for Children

Black and Yellow Paper Bead Necklace: Collarbone Length or Longer for Children

Orange and Black Paper Bead Necklace: Collarbone Length or Longer for Children

Red, Black and Teal Paper Bead Necklace: Collarbone Length or Longer for Children

Red Paper Bead with Porcupine Quills: Children's Size

Red, Pink and Blue Paper Bead Necklace: Collarbone Length or Longer for Children

Black, White and Red Paper Bead Necklace: Children's Size

Multi-Color Paper Bead Necklace: Children's Size

Green, Orange, Blue, Black/White Paper Bead Necklace with Coffee Beans: Collarbone Length or Longer for Children

Black and White Paper Bead Necklace with Clear Bead Accent: Collarbone Length or Longer for Children

Black Striped Paper Bead Necklace: Collarbone Length or Longer for Children

Coconut Bead Wristlet: 2 zipper pouches with dyed coconut beads (4 Available)

Yellow/Brown Structured Tukula Zipper Pouch (1 Available)

Red Beaded Tukula Zipper Pouch 

Green/Blue Beaded Tukula Zipper Pouch

Orange/Green/Blue Tukula Sling Bag (1 Available)

 Tukula Floral Beaded Bag  (1 Available)

Tukula Large Tote Bag (1 Available)

Fabric Purse (1 Available)

Ch Ch Ch Changes

Hi All,

I want to start by apologizing for the long delay in writing. I promise I had every intention of sitting down to write something sooner, but unfortunately I couldn't get myself to muster up the motivation to do so. It's been quite a whirlwind since we got home from New York for Christmas, and while there's been some great things happening, there has also been some tough stuff, which often leaves me drained. February 13 marked 3 months home, and there has been so much progress made in that short time. Sometimes it feels like we've been home a year and sometimes weeks, but we are learning to navigate the boys needs (and our own!) in more intentional and loving ways. There are a million details I feel like I could type surrounding the boys, but I will try to give you the highlights of what's going on and go from there :)

1) Medical
I have been taking the boys to 2-3 doctor's appointments a week since we got home. While most kids are home playing or doing something fun, I felt like every day we were gearing up for a different doctor. We've seen specialists for a whole slew of things, and it seemed like every time we saw someone else they would again refer us out. While it's been taxing financially and emotionally for all of us, I'm glad we're finally making progress on their health. 

One HUGE hurdle is that they are both FINALLY parasite free!!! This was such a terrible process for them and for us, but after a million stool samples (please gag with me here, because it was horrendous!), they finally confirmed that their intestines are free and clear! This is an even bigger victory because they are understanding what it means to be full and are finally able to gain some weight and retain nutrients. We have already seen a change in their ability to express hunger and when they're full which is great for their development.

Sebastian has received all of his first round of vaccinations, which was brutal, but necessary. We will have to go back in 4 months for the second round, but otherwise nothing crazy. He has been to the dentist and received a full physical with a mostly clean bill of health! We weren't really concerned about anything with him, but it's always nice to have it confirmed. He's been a trooper!

Jordan on the other hand has had more going on and we have been all around Charlottesville trying to get everything teased out. He has also received all of his first round vaccinations, been to the audiologist, ENT, urologist, surgical consults, and occupational and speech therapy. He is going to undergo surgery for 2 outpatient procedures on February 22, so if you think of us, please say a prayer for him. I'm more nervous for how he will respond after it's all said and done, but I'm believing for a smooth process and recovery. One of the surgeries is tube placement in his ears which I pray will help a lot with his socialization and speech. He currently has moderate conductive hearing loss and has had fluid on his ears for years. At this stage it takes a lot of effort/physical touch to get/keep his attention and I'm hoping that when he can actually hear again this will help in a lot of different areas. Your prayers are coveted! Jordan has also been going to OT and Speech Therapy 1x/week for the last 6 weeks which has been good, but again I think the gains in hearing will really make a difference in this area too. I would love to be able to take him 2x/week, but since we are paying for this out of pocket, it's not really feasible at this time. Unfortunately, the county and school district won't review Jordan's case for free therapy services until he gets a developmental assessment (which really means they want a diagnosis), but the center for development in our town is so backed up that the earliest appointment we could get was for NOVEMBER. That's right, I said November. I think it's ridiculous how this whole system works, but I'm believing that someone will cancel and they will get us in earlier. Otherwise, it will be a lot of pinching pennies to continue with private services until that time. While no one has given him a diagnosis (and to be honest I don't really care for one!), we believe he has sensory processing disorder and high functioning autism. He exhibits signs for both of these regularly, and it's been a steep learning curve for Paul and I. We work hard with him on social skills, manners, self-soothing techniques and ability to focus on a regular basis, but we still have a long way to go. We are trusting God to help us fill in the gaps! Regardless of it all, we are so taken with both Jordan and Sebastian and it has been such a pleasure to see them grow and flourish under our roof.

2) Pre-School
The boys started pre-school 2 half days a week on February 1. They go on Mondays and Wednesdays from 8:30-12:30 and then come home with me for nap. Sebastian has LOVED going to school and has jumped right in to the classroom setting. He has such a smart little mind, and has really enjoyed a change in the routine and learning new things. He still has trouble engaging with other kids his age regularly, but we give him small tasks (i.e. learn someone's name!) which seems to help him in this area. Jordan on the other hand has had a really difficult time with this transition, and as a result has regressed quite a bit in many areas. He does not like school and really does not like going without his mama! He screams and wails in the same way he did when we dropped him off at the orphanage when we first met him, and it brings up a million different emotions for both of us. I know the abandonment fear is still extremely real for him, and it's evident in our daily conversations. Additionally, he completely isolates himself from the group and refuses to participate in any activities. This has gotten slightly better as he joined the group for play-doh and music last week, but it's still difficult to know he's hurting and I can't be there to help him. I was struggling with the decision to keep him in school, but after talking with a child psychologist who specializes in trauma and childhood crisis, she really encouraged me to stick it out as he really does need to be in school. So even though I often sit in my van and cry after I drop them off, I'm learning to trust God to heal Jordan where I can't and be with him in those times. It's tough and I often don't want to do it, but God can care for my babies WAY better than I can and again I will rest in that.

While the boys have been at school, I've been working hard to find ways to reenergize myself. Since we left for Uganda I haven't really done anything for myself on a regular basis, which has been unhealthy for sure. I'm realizing that I can't be my best self if I'm not taking care of myself, so I've been trying to add in things that give me life during these down times. I've been working out, trying to meet up with friends, and reading, which have all been wonderful changes to the previous routine. It's been hard to change my mentality from where I've been, but it's a welcome change. Here's to healing for all of us!

3) Emotions
All of us have been continuing to sort out all that has come with the adoption. I was recently talking with a friend who we were in Uganda with and we were remarking on how we are often nostalgic for the life we had in Uganda because of the simplicity and pure tenacity that came with that time. Instead of our kids being in fight or flight mode, we were, and it made us feel like we could accomplish anything. However, as you come back home and try to settle into a "normal" life, it just seems impossible at times. I often feel guilty for what my kids are going through and how difficult all of this must be on their little hearts. I know that sounds silly, but it's the truth. Trust me, if their first families could've loved them and cared for them, I would have loved my boys to stay in their culture and heritage. BUT. God chose us as their parents long before they were born, and I try to simply trust Him with their lives and their healing. 

One of the hardest things is never knowing what will impact them and how they will respond to it. Jordan had a significant regression in all areas his first week of preschool, and began being aggressive and extremely defiant again. However, now that he's verbal he had more to say, and his words cut me deep. I know they are coming from a place of fear, trauma, and abandonment, but when you're doing all you can to keep these tiny humans alive and kicking, it's hard to add on the emotions of your child telling you they don't like you. Things have gotten better since that first week, but he continues to push back hard at this new stage, and it's taken a lot of intentional love and discipline to see some progress. For every 10 steps back, I have to remind myself of the 100 steps forward, which definitely helps keep things in perspective. Some days I don't think my heart can take much more, but somehow I make it through the day, and with God's grace, I know that trend will only get better.

 I was able to attend a local adoption support group which was helpful, but it's still hard to not feel alone in this crazy journey. I often say that we've jumped into a beautiful chaos which often sums it up well for me. I love these two boys more than anything, but it doesn't make the emotion any less intense. We are all learning more about each other each week, and God is really uniting us as a family. We are getting more and more unsolicited "I love yous", more bear hugs, more words to explain their hurts, and more trust that we won't leave them. Every night before bed Paul and I remind the boys that we love them no matter what, that we will never leave them, that they are safe, and that Jesus is with them. In the beginning, we often felt these words were void to them, but it's clear they've taken them to heart and are often repeating back to us these same phrases when they are nervous or scared. It's encouraging to see their vulnerability peek out more regularly, but it's still a constant battle for all of us to stay consistent. Life is all about experiences and loving people, and every time I look into my boys' faces I see Jesus' love for them and I'm reminded why we chose to adopt. God is stretching both Paul and I to new limits and a new normal, and while challenging and emotional, I wouldn't have it any other way. 

4) Thank Yous
I wanted to again thank all of our loving friends and family for their support and encouragement. So many of you have brought us meals, loved on our boys, supported us financially, let me cry on your shoulder or took me out for a much needed drink :) All of these acts of love mean more to me than you know and I can't imagine making it through without all of you. I am working toward a time when life feels joyful more than stressful, and all of your contributions help me move in that direction. You guys are great <3

So. A couple things. 1) I promise I will try to write more :) 2) Please continue to pray for our family. While things are getting better and better we still have such a long way to go and we couldn't do this without your prayers. 

Enjoy some pics below from the last couple months! Life has been full of new things for them and it's fun to see it through their eyes!
  
                                 

                                       

                                                     Watching Frozen for the first time with their first cup of hot chocolate!

      

Trying to grasp American songs :) :) They like singing in front of the fireplace because they can see their reflection!

Sebastian is a dancer in the making!

Love, Love, Love

Merry and Bright!

Hi Friends,

Merry Christmas to you all! I pray you were all able to spend some wonderful time with family and friends, and that you were able to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. We really enjoyed taking a step back and being able to explain the story of the first Christmas to Jordan and Sebastian. It definitely keeps things in perspective!

I'm sorry for the delay in writing, but to be honest, I've been exhausted! I haven't wanted to do much of anything (except sleep!), and it's been hard to find some time to myself to get words on paper. Things have been a bit crazy since we got home, and I feel like it's been non-stop. Between Thanksgiving, my best friend's 30th birthday, Sebastian's birthday, doctor's appointments, medical assessments, buying presents, wrapping presents, and traveling to New York for Christmas, it's been a little insane. As happy as I am to have been home for the holidays, I will be really happy to have a bit of a reprieve from it all and just get into a normal routine with the boys. 

Nevertheless, it was AMAZING to see Christmas through the eyes of our boys, and be able to share in all these firsts with them! From them learning about Santa and then seeing him for the first time, doing advent every night, and learning more about Jesus - to not knowing how to open presents, getting BEYOND excited for new shoes and a few toys, LOVING their new Christmas pajamas, spending time with my side of the family, and wishing it were Christmas again tomorrow - it's been awesome :) Paul and I were so humbled by their little hearts, and we have been overwhelmed at their awe and joy. We are seriously SO blessed by these little lives, and watching their thoughts change from an orphan mindset, to one of family, has been the best Christmas present we could ask for. While there were so many changes this Christmas and no snowy weather, we still felt thrilled to be able to spend time with family and see the outpouring of love for our children. While Paul and I had little money to spend this Christmas, and even though we chose not to exchange gifts with each other to help save money, God continues to provide for our family in so many ways. We were able to be reminded of the gift of Jesus, and how profound that is with the addition of Jordan and Sebastian to our family. We serve such a faithful God.

Reading with Auntie Rachelle and Cousin Gia

Playing with Cousins Ezekiel and Josiah

Filling the snowman bird feeder with Grampy

Playing "Donkey" with Grampy (Donkeys are all the rage since they learned about Mary and Joseph ;)

Uncle Mike with his new addition, Alexander!

Sebastian holding his new cousin! He was so sweet with him!

Listening to Grampy read the Christmas story before we open presents

Officially Yankee fans :) Cringe all you want haters, but they are definitely part of the Sebastian clan!

Jman was a little grumpy here, but still cute!

My present, Sebastian!

Reading their new book with cousin Gia!

Cousin love!

Bows were also all the rage! :)

Sebastian showing off his beatboxing skills!

Jordan FINALLY got a weed-whacker (a machine)!! He has not stopped playing with it since he opened it!

SO tired, but he refused to let his machine go!

Playing in their new "car"!

So going back to non-Christmasy things...life has been, well, difficult. If I'm being honest, I have been exhausted, overwhelmed and often feeling like I'm failing. I know that's not the case, and I know I'm doing my absolute best, but gosh darn it, it often feels like it's not enough. I still lose my patience and I still have trouble getting through the whole day, but with God's grace, things are getting better. The boys are still not really able to go to public places without getting completely overstimulated, and one trip to the store or even a playdate with a million toys, leaves them wired for days. Let me give you an example...For a little background, Jordan is PETRIFIED of full-sized Santas (and the real one for that matter!), anything with shaggy fur and dogs. Sebastian is also very scared of dogs, and it's often a problem when we're out and about. However, they are slowly getting more used to the idea, but it's still a challenge. So, back to the story...The day before we were leaving for New York I needed to pick up a prescription for the boys. I decided to brave going to CVS with them because we REALLY NEEDED this medication. So I walk into CVS with both little hands in mine, and Jordan immediately has a meltdown because there are life-sized Santas EVERYWHERE. I mean EVERYWHERE. How could I have not predicted this?! So I kneel down to his level and after about 5 minutes, I get him calm enough to keep going. After 15 minutes of walking slowly and continued reassurance, we finally get to the back of the store where the pharmacy is. As soon as we get in line, I think, phew! that could've been really bad...and then...a lady with a service dog THE SIZE OF A ST. BERNARD gets in line behind us. I see the dog before the boys do, and I know this is going to be bad. Once they see the dog, they immediately start screaming and crying and climb up me like a tree. At this point there are 4 people in front of me and about 4 behind me, and there is nowhere to go. The spectacle continues for about 5 minutes straight before I can get them to calm down to the point of no screaming. They still refuse to let me put them down, which means I am carrying two 40lb. boys and my purse for about 10 minutes straight. FINALLY they let me set them down, but are still whimpering and cowering behind my legs the entire time. At this point I am also in tears and apologizing to everyone around me for the scene. We finally get up to the front of the line, and the pharmacy tells me their prescription is going to be $676 EACH. I literally gulped loud enough for everyone to hear. I calmly tell them I need to call my husband and then try to maneuver the boys to the little row of chairs nearby. During this time, the boys are still trying to navigate themselves as far from the dog as possible, and in the meantime, Jordan knocks over an entire display tower of medicine. It topples all over the floor, and I again begin to silently cry. I sit the boys down in the chairs and slowly pick up the medicine. I then spend the next 45 minutes in CVS calling our pediatrician and all around our town trying to find a cheaper option for this medication. I finally get it all worked out, but the meds won't be ready until after 3pm and it's only 1. So I then gather up the boys, and spend the next 10 minutes trying to get Jordan out of CVS and back into the van. It was horrible for all parties, and it was all I could do to not swear off all future outings! I'm sure you're either crying with me or laughing hysterically while reading this, and both are equally appropriate! I have done a little of both at the ridiculousness of these situations, and all I can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other! 

Being home in New York for Christmas has only increased the tendency for over-stimulation, and they haven't slept for more than 3-5 hours a night, almost every night we've been here (which means Paul and I aren't sleeping through the night...which means dragon Bettina has been out more often than not!). We've woken up to them screaming gleefully in full play mode at 2-3am, marching and skipping around the upstairs at 4am, doing somersaults and headstands at midnight...you get the idea. We've been exasperated at the lack of sleep, despite a million proven sleep tactics, and it's all we can do to make it through the day. Every day they test our limits...every day they test our love...and every day we try to prove ours. I'm not gonna lie here folks, adoption is tough. While all children have meltdowns and behavioral issues, our children's misbehavior and defiance comes from a place of distrust, trauma and fear. While your child may fight you on sleep or have meltdown after meltdown, they know you love them and will be there for them. Our children on the other hand are still trying to learn that, and they are trying to see if and when we will leave them. They have learned that abandonment and fear and sadness is the norm, and it's easier to push us away than it is to let us love them. So every day becomes another day to change that mindset, but it doesn't make it any easier. Our love for them is fierce and unwavering, but the hurt and grief behind their behavior often makes for ugly days. Don't get me wrong, adoption is beautiful and God-ordained, but there are so many spiritual and emotional barriers that were put in place long before we came into the picture, and it makes creating a family the way God intended it all the more difficult. Emotionally I am spent more often than not, and while I am overcome with joy and love for my sons, every day is still a huge challenge. Paul and I have been trying to look at these challenges more as opportunities to change our own behavior while we work on theirs, but dang, that's been tough. With little sleep on our part and the constant battle of emotions, I find myself letting my temper get the best of me. That's not to say I don't then kneel down and apologize to my boys for my loss of control, but I'm working hard to not do it in the first place, and that, my friends, is a feat! I really don't know how God is so gracious and merciful and giving to us all the time, because with the way we act, we definitely don't deserve it. BUT that's what grace and mercy are all about, and I work hard to remember that when parenting my children. 

Despite all the emotions, we are also working hard on the physical side of things. The boys need so many medical interventions in the coming months, and Paul and I are trying to figure out how God will provide financially for all we need. We have already had physicals done, blood panels done, flu shots done, and gone through a full course of anti-fungals and anti-parasitics (which we're believing will help with a whole host of issues!). However, we still need to have auditory testing, developmental testing, vaccinations, repeat parasite testing, and dental work done. Additionally, since Jordan was declined for special education services through the county school system, we are having to go through private practices for speech and occupational therapy. All of these will hopefully be done or started by March, but we are believing for God to come through in big ways for all of these needs. 

We had our first home-visit from our social worker before Christmas, which seemed to go well. She was pleased with the boys behavior and attachment to us, and we will hopefully get the full report this week. We need 2 more visits in the next 5 months in order to petition for adoption in the United States, which will then trigger a whole host of new paperwork, and we will need to hire an attorney to complete the court process for us. It's daunting to think about all that needs to be done, but again, I'm trying to take it one day at a time and trust that God will sustain me for the rest!

With the new year comes new refreshing and changes, and I'm excited for what 2016 has in store for our family. We are believing for BIG things all around, and looking forward to settling in more as a family. There are still so many needs to work through and so many logistics ahead, but I'm excited to see God's plan for our lives unfold, and even more excited to see the healing continue to take place in Sebastian and Jordan. 

We can't thank you all enough for the love, support, meals and financial support. Even though we are home there is still such a long journey ahead and we covet your continued prayers and emotional support as we navigate this crazy thing called parenthood :)

Praying you all have a safe and joyful New Years!